Perfection
by CrypticMoonFang
Summary: Everyone always said Serena's life was perfect, but little did they know just how wrong they were. Partial AU. Dere/Sere Set after Darien breaks up with Serena. Crude language, alcohol abuse, adult themes, and cutting.
1. Chapter 1

~Chapter 1~

Perfect... Everyone always said that about my life. Funny; they knew little to nothing about me, yet they think my life is perfect. Well, I can say right here and now that I never asked for perfect. I didn't want perfect! But you know what? It didn't matter what _I_ wanted. No, it mattered what my mom wanted. She wanted this perfect daughter with gorgeous long blond hair, a starch white smile, and the complexion of an angel. Now, it was true that I looked pretty even without makeup. My smile wasn't bad. My hair was actually just right. But I was never good enough; my mother always had to find something wrong with me, something that she thought needed to be better. Perhaps it would be my grades, or my clothing, or what I ate. I WAS SICK OF IT!

All I wanted to be was myself...why couldn't she just accept that?

And how could she do this to me when she knew how my father treated me? That's right, my father. I loved him and hated him. He was funny, he always made me laugh. Heck, he even went so far as to do the chicken dance in Wal-Mart! Maybe he did this because he knew I'd been hurting ever since my parents got divorced. My mom remarried and had a baby girl, who she and my stepdad named Kellie. I called her Kel. My dad, on the other hand, had remained single until his first girlfriend, Sandy. I liked her daughter and son, but I hated how much she interfered with my relationship with my father. I'd always been a huge daddy's girl, and I'd probably always stay like that. Sandy started inviting him to stay overnight, even though she and my dad knew my brother, Sammy, and I were going to stay with our dad for the weekend. It wasn't until I got alot older that I understood why he chose to stay all night, making me sleep on her sofa. One day, they found out Sandy had cancer. She died from it. My dad returned to normal. I was happy. He took me and my brother rollerskating and bowling; for dinner he often took us to a Chinese or Mexican place. It was fun; I savored every minute of it. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that I was starting to take it for granted.

My father met his next girlfriend, who I still refuse to call by her first name. Instead, I call her Ms. Glenee. It was a French name, and she was an art teacher. I loved art, hated teachers, and hated art teachers. Every art teacher I'd had had been mean and they never let me express myself. I felt too restricted. I began to dislike them, and I also stopped taking art classes. It was a shame because my artwork was so good, and would've improved greatly with art lessons. That aside, my dad began spending less and less time with me. I didn't know what was going on at the time. Eventually he moved in with Ms. Glenee. My little brother was forced to sleep on the couch and I was forced to sleep in a bed that happened to be placed upstairs in either a scorching hot or freezing cold room, depending on the weather.

Oh, and did I mention that the French-named art teacher had two sons? Well she does. One of them is bipolar and they both have ADHD. Link is twelve, I think, and Carston is...ten? I don't really know; heck, I don't even care. I hate how the boys treat my dad. They're so disrespectful and they have never had any discipline. I know this because, if you can believe it, Ms. Glenee refuses to spank her children. I think they need a switch, not a spanking. They get grounded, but only for about five minutes before they say, "I'm sorry." and are let off the hook.

But now I've lost all respect for my dad. He and his girlfriend, soon to be his wife, got drunk at some club and made their way to the news. You have any idea what it's like to flip on the TV and find your father on the news? And you know those articles in the newspapers? Yeah, he was on those, too. As if I didn't already have enough crap going on in my life, he had to go and get arrested! So, yes, I think I have every right to be ticked off at him!

And you know what else? He's not responsible. He tried to lie to me when I confronted him about it, saying he was tired, not drunk, and that the reason he smelled like alcohol was because a drink had spilled in the car. He claimed the police officer was probably having a bad day and had been out to get someone, that the someone happened to be him. How does that earn respect? Seriously! Someone tell me why that's respectable!

Anyway, I'm not planning on seeing my dad anymore...for a long, long time. It hurts me not to be able to see Dad because I still love him so much, but he obviously has some things to figure out and I'm tired of getting harassed into going when he already knows I don't want to. Plus, he promised me a long time ago that he wouldn't get married to someone I didn't like. You want to know something? I've told him at least a thousand times that I don't like Ms. Glenee or her kids. You want to know something else? He insists that I'm overreacting to this whole thing and that I'll warm up to her. IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS. I just want my dad back...

I have had some good moments in my life, but the ones I remember were way far back in time, even before my parents got a divorce. I remember the time my dad took me fishing; he told me to be quiet or else I would scare all the fish away. I loved spending the time with my dad. We didn't catch anything on that fishing trip, and I don't think we ever went fishing again, though even to this day my father keeps the fishing poles he never uses. Another time was when my dad let me drive the jet-ski. It was a hilarious memory; I was so psyched about the privilege that I crushed down the gas handle. In seconds we were hopping through the water, my dad behind me screaming, "STOP, SERENA! STOP!" I just sat there laughing and wishing it would go faster. A more recent memory was that of the Lazy Donkey, a Mexican restaurant my dad used to take me to. They remodeled it and changed the name to El Camino Real. Hey, at least it was still a Mexican restaurant. They served great cheese dip, but I loved the Lazy Donkey. I cherished it because my dad would make me laugh and we would take our time eating, then we would drive home talking about how good the food was, how good the weekend had been so far, and laughing about the cats' clumsiness. I missed those times...

My mom had always been harsh. She let me have friends over, and sometimes even complimented me, but she was too hard on me. Scolding when needed is one thing; always complaining about your daughter's flaws is another. All the time it was, "Serena, you have to stop leaving ice water out all day! Serena, you haven't checked your homework assignments, have you? Serena, there's no way you can be done with work this early! Serena, this isn't how the dishwasher is supposed to be loaded; the bowls don't dry when they're like this. Serena, you know better than to put food in the microwave uncovered! Serena, she's just a baby; give the remote to her. Serena, those shorts aren't fit to wear to school." And so on and so forth. Now you can see why I'm exhausted every day. Now you know why I cry myself to sleep. Now you know why I'm always thinking about how worthless I am.

I've tried standing up to my mother before, but somehow it always comes back to something wrong with me. Now I always think of it as a deserved punishment. Everything was always my fault; I'm just waiting for my mom to say that. My stepdad, as much as I love him, agrees with everything my mom says. Many times it's even repeated right after she says it. Every time I muster up the courage to tell them how I feel, about _anything_, that courage flees as soon as I take one step towards them. I'm not allowed to say how I feel about their actions or words. I'm not even allowed to get a B in History! I got one out of ten questions wrong, and earned myself a ninety. That's a B. I thought I did really well, considering History is my worst subject. Mom says a B isn't good enough. She says I have to study harder, pay closer attention.

There is no expression allowed in my house. I have officially hit rock bottom. I've recently started cutting myself. I have to hide it from Mom and Dad. They'll think I have serious issues. They'll send me to therapy. I don't want to go to therapy.

"Serena! You need to stop taking so long in the shower! Your brother has to get one too, you know!" Mom yelled up the stairwell.

I sighed and waited just a little longer for the blood to stop trickling down my hand. Red had become my comfort, my solace. Blood had become the only thing keeping me sane. The dismantled razor blade had become the thing that allowed me keep myself sane. Nobody knew why I had taken apart the razor, but thankfully nobody bothered to ask. If they did, I would just say I was washing away hard water stains or rust or something of that nature. In all honesty, the razor blade was dulled anyway, so it cut better. I could nick myself more easily.

My blood bloomed in the shallow stream of water below my feet. The pain was beginning to quickly fade; I wanted to squeeze in another cut, I wanted to leave another scar, but I had to get out of the shower before my mom got on my case again. So long as I did everything just the way she wanted, I would be fine.

Well, no I wouldn't. My father played my heart strings better than a violin and my mother and stepdad had carved a puppet out of me. I didn't even know who myself was anymore. So when people say, "Just be yourself.", I have no idea what they're talking about. So at school I try to be this clumsy scatterbrain. In reality I'm not a clumsy scatterbrain, I'm just...something I guess. You couldn't really call me human anymore. I no longer knew what I was. I always just called myself a something in my thoughts.

I turned the shower off after making sure my body was cleansed of any trances of blood. There was no evidence of what I'd done, just how I wanted it. Believe it or not, I'm actually very sneaky. I can erase evidence of anything. I can creep past even a sleeping kitten. I even wore black wristbands to hide my scarred wrists. They had to be black just in case a wound decided to reopen. The dark color would hide the blood that seeped out.

I could try to call Darien...but...he doesn't love me anymore. He'd replaced me with Rini. I was nothing to him now. He'd broken up with me and was now avoiding me like a rabies-infected rat. I'd stopped trying to go after him, but he was always on my mind. I just couldn't forget that handsome smile and those gentle azure eyes. I'd even offered to get rid of the buns I kept on top of my hair. He said that wasn't it. I said I could change. He slammed the door in my face, and as he did, I saw Rini inside, munching on freshly baked cookies. My heart had shattered in that moment. Ever since then I'd really let myself go. I didn't eat as much, I was as energetic as usual, and I had started cutting in an effort to help myself heal.

I couldn't tell the girls about my secret. They were always chiding me anyway, just like my mother. It wasn't nearly as severe, but I wish that just for once, I could pretend to have a peaceful life full of tranquility and fun. But it was probably for the best that they didn't know what my life was like. Darien didn't either. I didn't want anyone to know; I'd never told a soul about it.

I dried myself off, wrapped the towel around me, and and exited the bathroom to be greeted by an irritated Sammy.

"Serena, I've been waiting out here for half an hour just to get a bath!" he complained. "Please tell me you didn't run up all the hot water again..."

Honestly, I didn't remember whether I was in a hot or cold shower. I was too engrossed in my thoughts to focus on anything. I had been too busy cutting to think about it. "Uh, there should be at least enough for a bath."

"Thank God," he mumbled. My little brother walked past me and closed the bathroom door. He didn't lock it; it was forbidden to lock any doors other than the ones connecting to the outside world. In two minutes the water could be heard splattering against the floor of the tub.

"Tsh... Baby," I murmured after him.

My communicator started to beep repeatedly, along with the lovely little spine-chilling sound of the vibrations it made. I sighed, knowing it was one of the girls. It certainly wasn't Darien, and my best guess is that it wasn't Mina. When did Mina ever call via communicator? No, her object of choice was a cell phone. The communicator was much better, in my opinion, but her preferences just didn't favor the little beeping device still in my backpack's front pocket.

By process of elimination, I came to the conclusion that it was either Rei, Amy, or Lita. It would likely be Rei or Amy. Lita didn't use the communicator as much as those two did. Well, no matter who it was, it was time to put my mask on.

I unzipped my backpack and rummaged through my textbooks and papers and other junk until I found the little thing. I pulled it out and pressed a button. A little face popped onto the screen.

"Serena, you were supposed to be at the meeting twenty minutes ago; where are you?" Yep, it was Rei. She was about to continue on about it, but stopped when she saw how I was dressed. "Is that a towel? You were taking a shower, weren't you! Augh, Serena, you _knew_ about this meeting! You've known for a week now! Why didn't you come?"

I smiled and giggled the "normal" Serena-giggle. "Sorry, Rei. I guess I just forgot."

I heard a deep, frustrated sigh come from the speakers. "Listen, I know you've been upset about what happened with Darien, but we can't just give up being Sailor Scouts just for some boyfriend trouble. We have to-"

I shut the communicator off. I could listen to her anymore; I wouldn't hear it. This wasn't boyfriend trouble anymore. This was a real break-up. Darien had dumped me and accepted Rini in my place. Rei knew nothing of how a truly felt bout this; I only told her half of what happened. I hadn't told her about him slamming the door in my face, refusing to let me talk any longer. I hadn't told her about how I'd offered to change for him, and how he'd vehemently denied it.

It started beeping and vibrating again after a few seconds, but I ignored it for two reasons. One was because I just couldn't stand to hear Rei bluster on about my relationship with Darien. The other was because I felt something strange, a liquid of some sort, slowly making its way down my hand. I restrained myself from cursing when I looked down to see that at some point my newest cut had reopened and was now staining the towel. I could excuse the towel as having accidentally nicked myself with the razor while shaving my legs, but I had to get to my room quick to bandage up my wrist.

As I ran to my room, I thought about how my wrist looked like it had been crying red tears. It kind of had been. I had built up a stone-cold wall around my heart when the divorce took place. And when everything else started to fall apart, that wall just kept getting stronger and more durable. Countless times I'd tried to take it down by willpower alone; it wasn't enough. When I said I cried myself to sleep every night, I wasn't lying; I do cry, but inwardly. I've tried many times to force myself to cry, all in vain. For some reason, I could only do it when I felt the need to act like a klutz in front of my friends.

When I was alone, though, when I just wanted to scream and let it all out, I couldn't utter a sound, let alone a tear. Now I was some kind of detached freak who wasn't that good around people. I wish I could be perfect, I wish I could be what my mother wanted. But I can't because I simply don't want to change. I like being a tomboy, even though in public I act like a real preppy. My mom doesn't want a tomboy; she wants a sophisticated, well-mannered princess.

Oh, the irony of that... Mom wanted a princess, right? Little did she know she already had one. But it was fine with me if she never figured out my identity as both the Moon Princess and Sailor Moon.

_Ugh, snap out of it! Your wrist is starting to bleed again! _a little voice in my head shouted at me.

I pushed aside various stuffed animals until I dug out my medical supplies, which I'd found long ago in our medicine cabinet. We never used them, so now I keep them on top of my closet shelf, hidden behind a variety of teddy bears and horses and dogs and cats and bunnies and I think there was a bird in there somewhere. I even had a giant lizard that my mom wanted me to throw out. I refused to do so. It had been with me for a very large portion of my life. I used to play with it all the time, which is why it had small holes in it. I'd developed a close attachment to it because it had strengthened my imagination and had been by my side this whole time. Weird; I still hadn't named the thing.

I hissed as I felt a stinging sensation in my wrist. I looked down to find a red smear on one of my smaller teddy bears. The teddy bear was purple, so the colors didn't contrast very much. The red that now covered the bear's clawed foot wasn't too noticeable. Still, I would have to wet a paper towel and get as much off as I could. Toy companies really should try out the concept of toys that were machine washable.

After the sting had passed, I released my bleeding wrist from my hand and snatched up the gauze and a single cottonball. I ripped the cottonball in half and placed it over my injury. It hurt and made me gasp. I took the roll of gauze and wrapped it around my wrist, just enough so that when I put on my wristbands it wouldn't show.

Afterward I put them back and rearranged my stuffed animals to make it look almost like I hadn't even touched them. Usually my wrists didn't bleed like that. I needed to be more careful; maybe I should start doing this at a friend's house rather than at my own home, where the chances of my mother and stepdad finding out were much greater. However...if I did it at a friend's house, they would be more likely to find out. Darn it...

I slipped on my wristbands and flopped into bed, not without replacing the bath towel with my pajamas first. I quickly fell asleep from exhaustion, leaving the conscious world with visualizations of myself being beaten up, or made fun of, or rejected; thoughts of Darien breaking up with me and then laughing about it with Rini; memories of the good times my family shared before everything had gone downhill. Soon my breathing became even and regular, and my thoughts went blank.

**A/N**

**So, yeah, that was the first chapter. Let me know what you thought about it, okay? Also, this is definitely a partial AU, so no flames concerning how off something is. Actually, no flames at all. That includes continuous criticism.**


	2. Chapter 2

~Chapter 2~

I trudged down the hallway of school, feeling like a zombie. I was sure I looked like one too. I did everything to show how tired I was. It was getting near that time of month when Mother Nature gave us girls our very much unwanted gifts. By now it was safe to say I was PMSing. Several girls at our school were, in fact, and I was rejoining the group of irritable females. Hoo, boy, if Darien came by today, which he likely wasn't, he would be in for quite a time. My PMS symptoms hardly included bloating; most of it was all emotional. I was usually angry or hurt and anything at any moment could set me off like a sensitive bomb. Then I'd get all giddy as the aftermath and start laughing at pretty much everything. Say the word "pudding" and I'd crack up like it was the funniest thing in the world. So yeah, even people from the moon had PMS.

Amy saw me as I was walking to one of my free period classes and rushed to meet me before I got there.

Hey, Amy," I greeted once she caught up.

Amy smiled; she must have overheard Rei last night and scolded her about it. Since the girls hadn't heard from me since, she was probably worried that Rei had really upset me. After all, she knew Darien meant alot to me. Because of that, he'd become an extremely touchy subject, my sore spot.

"You seem pretty happy today. Pass another exam?" I teased.

She chuckled lightly. "Well, we didn't have any tests. Not yet, at least. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm sorry Rei was so mean to you."

I knew she wasn't _that_ sorry. Maybe a little, but definitely not as much as she made it out to be. She was just sucking it up because I'd been PMSing _bad_ for the past two days and she didn't want to get me mad. Not now, anyway. She was just as smart logically as she was academically. Girl had brains, I'll give her that much.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "It was just Rei being Rei. You know how she is; she's always so straightforward with things. That girl says what's on her mind."

Amy sighed in agreement. "I wish she would sugar-coat some of the things she says. I hope you know you aren't the only one. She does it to all of us."

I nodded. "Yeah, I know. I get the worst of it, but at least Mina shares it with me."

My blue-haired friend laughed. "Yes, Mina is a klutz, isn't she?"

"Too bad she doesn't go to our school," a new voice chimed in. "Then Serena wouldn't be the _only_ klutz here."

Both of us turned around to see Lita right behind us, pace-walking to line up with my side.

Amy waved her greetings to Lita. I did the same.

"Why so quiet all of a sudden? Did I say something?" she asked.

"No. It's just one of those weird moments when two people are talking about someone and then a third person enters," I explained.

Lita mouthed the word, "_Oh_."

I turned toward a brown door stranded in the middle of the hallway we were walking down. It was my free period, or study hall, whichever, classroom. It was also the band room, and sometimes the band members would be practicing in it. Ever heard an amateur flute player? Let me tell you, _it's not fun_. They don't play very well at all. They only suck _after_ they get the hang of getting enough air in their instrument to make it produce a sound. And then they don't know how to control the sound! I know, because I was once a member of the band. I played the alto saxophone. That said, I was in Wind. But I quickly regretted it and wished I'd chosen an instrument from Percussion. The only thing separating me and those flutes was one row of clarinets and oboes. Behind me were tubas. Out of four rows, I was in the third one. Flutes were first. Clarinets and oboes were second. Saxophones, obviously this included me, were third. Tubas were fourth. We made up the entire Wind class. Once my reed split while I was playing and it pinched my tongue. The teacher got onto me for being off-key, but apologized when she saw my predicament. That saxophone was so much trouble...

I opened the door and thankfully there were only two band members practicing. I was eternally grateful that neither of them were flute-players. There were other band members, but they had their instrument cases beside their chairs and their instruments were inside them.

As I sat down I listened to the smooth, soothing sound of a fellow alto saxophone-player. Obviously this guy's reed wasn't anywhere near breaking or splitting. You could usually tell because the sound would get weird, in which case you would just replace the reed. Lucky dog... The other band member was playing the piano. With the two sounds merging like that, it made a very tranquil harmony. It wasn't exactly a jazzy sound, but I couldn't really explain it.

But just my luck... Right when I thought this was going to be a good study hall, it went horrible awry when yet another band member, one that had her case beside her, opened the instrument case and fished out her flute. HER FLUTE... I knew for a fact that she wasn't an experienced flute player because she wasn't in Band last year.

_Oh, crap..._

* * *

><p>At lunch the sound of the flute still rang in my ears. She had literally <em>just<em> learned how to make her instrument produce a sound. Oh, I thought I'd gotten rid of all those flutes when I decided against Band this year! Why me...?

I found myself unable to study anything with all those sounds floating around the room, so I'd settled for waiting it out. It took forever because, again with the sounds, I couldn't enter a daydream. Heck, I couldn't even hear myself think! And it wasn't just me; several other people had that period free and had moved to the back of the room. Others had frequently gone out of the room, claiming they wanted a drink of water from the water fountains.

I ate my pizza and tater tots beside Amy and Lita. Mina and Rei didn't go to our school, so we couldn't eat with them. Amy had also gotten pizza, but she got a fruit cup instead of tater tots. Lita brought her own lunch, as usual. She was such a good cook; not like me at all. I couldn't cook to save my life. The only thing she ever bought at the cafeteria was an occasional ice cream bar, or pudding when they had it. Sometimes even jello, if the cafeteria staff were feeling generous. Oftentimes Lita brought her own dessert though. Brownies, cookies, her own homemade pudding or jello, sometimes even a piece of pie. Today she had made chicken pot pie, and just to be silly, she had brought a piece of chocolate pie, homemade, not store-bought, for dessert. Everything was pie today.

She'd brought an extra piece for me. Amy wasn't fond of chocolate pie. She liked apple and pear pies. I always thought something had to be wrong with her. Chocolate pie was the best! How was it possible to not like chocolate pie?

Today was an enormous let-down for me. Lita rarely brought chocolate pie because pf the way she made it; it was better than store-bought pie, but it was harder and took longer to make. So when she offered me the extra piece...

"Sorry, Lita, I can't."

"Why not? You love my homemade chocolate pie," she said.

"Yeah, I really love it; it's the best pie in the world. I just can't have chocolate this week," I replied, somewhat embarrassed.

"Oh. That time again?"

I nodded and groaned.

"That sucks," she mumbled.

Why was she telling _me_ that? I already knew it sucked! First it's PMS, then you wake up one morning to pee and the toilet looks like a bowl of Hawaiian Punch, and then you realize you can't have chocolate until you're a hundred percent sure it's over. Let's not forget the cramping, fatigue, bloating, and irritability. I knew all about it, just like every other teenage girl.

Now, it was true that I wasn't on my period right now, but I could start any day now, including today. So if chocolate was in my system when it started... I shivered at the horrible pain it would bring. What a curse to not be able to eat chocolate...what a curse...

* * *

><p>The rest of the day passed by quickly. Before I knew it I was home. I sighed heavily, thankful there were no tests today. There was one quiz, and luckily I got every question right. I had guessed on two of them, but they were multiple choice, so I had greater chances of getting it right.<p>

As I walked in the house I hummed the tune of "Little Baby Bumblebee". I knew it was a children's song. I didn't care. It was catchy and kept getting stuck in my head. Stupid little song...

I yawned as I flopped onto my bed. I knew my mother would soon be up here to see if I was doing my homework. I loved her, and I knew she loved me, but I just wanted...well...I don't know, something. Something in my life was missing, something I wanted to be there. Maybe it was Darien... Ever since I'd lost him to Rini...I...I just... Well, I haven't been very happy; let's just say that.

It was hard to believe that I'd let a boy come between me and my happiness. Yes, I'd had crushes before, but I never _really_ intended to have a real relationship. Maybe dating, but that was it. Then I met Darien. I'd hated him at first, but we grew very close and before either of us knew it, we were head over heels in love with each other. I felt complete when I was with him. I was happy, comfortable. I loved him so much... And then the unthinkable happened; he dumped me for like a seven-year-old pinkette.

The whole and complete feeling I had when around him turned quickly into hurt and despair. I don't think he knows how much my heart bleeds for him. I thought I wasn't good enough before...but now...even Darien thought I was worthless... I don't want to overreact or be melodramatic, but life seemed so much more dull without him. It's still so hard to believe I lost him.

"Serena! Are you doing your homework?" my mom yelled up the stairs.

I got out of bed, answering, "Yeah, Mom, I'm doing my homework!"

"What are you working on right now?"

"Math!"

"Study hard!" she finished.

She didn't come upstairs like I thought she would. That was a bit different...

I pulled out my Algebra II textbook and dropped it onto my desk, listening to great _thud_ it made. It was a big, heavy book.

I got a pencil from the pencil cup I always kept on my desk, and I began solving problem after problem. I didn't see any real value in Algebra. It was hard not to think about when I was ever going to use it. It's not like I planned on becoming an engineer one day. Maybe more of a job with medicine, or maybe just a stay-at-home wife. Well, the wife thing was actually a no-go. I wanted to be married to Darien, just like it should be. I wished the attack on the Moon Kingdom had never happened. Maybe then Darien and I would still be together. Maybe we would've gotten married and had a kid or two. Luna and Artemis could come live at our big castle. It would be fun. It would be really, really fun.

Hm...? Wait a minute...a kid? A kid... A kid was made by conception, and conception only occurred when... I felt my eyes widen as realization hit me. Was that why Darien broke up with me? Was it my fault? Was it that he wanted to have sex with me? Was that...what he wanted? I mean, I'm not entirely opposed to it. But I didn't want to... I mean, unless it would save our relationship, but... I don't know. If that was what Darien wanted, right? But like, I wasn't too sure I wanted to go that far. It was a _big_ step in a relationship! I never imagined he would want to get that intimate with me.

It was weird. I was excited because now there was a way to get Darien back. However, I was nervous because I'd never done this before. Actually I'd rather have done it when I got married, and only with my husband. The way things were headed now, though...marriage might not ever happen. Oh...why did he have to put me on the spot like this? I didn't know what to do anymore! I didn't know what I wanted!

_If you don't know what you want, then just do what he wants._ that helpful little voice in my head told me. When I say "voice in my head" I mean my thoughts, my conscience. Don't think for a second that I'm a schizophrenic.

Well, I guess I really didn't have a choice. Darien had to _choose_ to come back; I couldn't force him. How exactly could I tell him I was ready to have sex with him? Somehow I doubted that would put him in the mood. Well, maybe I didn't actually have to go through with it. Maybe I just had to let him know I was ready, and nothing more. If he knew that much, he might just take me back. I really wanted him to take me back...

Oh...but what if he wanted to do it right when I told him? Then what? Should I just go ahead and do it? I really wasn't ready for it, but... I needed Darien back. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me. I wanted him to kiss me and hug me and hold me lovingly. Maybe he broke up because he thought I wasn't putting any effort into the relationship... And if this would help... I'm sure I could pull through if this would help... Besides, now I could provide something for Darien that Rini couldn't.

I finished my math homework and got started on the next subject, resolving to talk to Darien about it tomorrow, when it would be the weekend and when I didn't have homework or chores cramming up my schedule.

**A/N**

**Yeah, I know it was a short chapter. I apologize for that. Thank you all for reviewing! I'll try to make the next chapter longer.**


	3. Chapter 3

~Chapter 3~

I stood very hesitantly at Darien's apartment door. Once a place of refuge and solace, it had become a place of extreme discomfort and anguish. That door had never looked so intimidating before now... Maybe it was just me, but did he do something new to it? Argh! Now wasn't the time to get cold feet! Now was the time to salvage what was left of our relationship!

I mustered every ounce of courage I had in me. I reached to knock on the door. My hand froze along with the rest of my body. I just couldn't do it... I'd lied to myself. I wasn't ready for this! What the heck was I thinking? And now here I am, standing right outside his door. What if he came outside right now? He'd see me and expect an explanation! And then what would I tell him?

The door opened right then and my arm snapped back to my side. With my luck, I should've known this would happen. Darien looked up from whatever he'd been looking at and seemed somewhat shocked to find me lingering around. Before he saw me his expression included a smile. Now there was a frown. And of course, the question I knew he was bound to ask. "Serena, what are you doing here?"

I felt my face grow hot to the point of nearly burning. I didn't know what to say!

Thankfully, I was given more time to think about it. A much younger girl holding a ball that looked an awful lot like my cat popped out from behind my ex-boyfriend. She didn't seem to see me at first and was about to ask him a question, then halted when she noticed I was here. We both found ourselves locked in an uncomfortable stare-down. It felt like an hour before Darien finally intervened.

"Uh, Rini, what was it you wanted?" he asked the pink-haired girl.

She slowly drew her eyes from mine and smiled at him. "I was just wondering if you could teach me how to bake some cookies."

Darien nodded and gave me a look that asked if it was okay to get her started on adding the ingredients. In response, I put a hand up, smiled, and said, "Oh, no, go ahead! I forgot what I was going to say anyway."

_Liar..._

Darien nodded, pried his attentions from me, and pulled his door shut. As soon as he did, my smile dropped, my arm fell limp, and my head might as well have rolled off my torso. The lock clicked. I somehow refrained from crying. I didn't know what it was that kept me from breaking down right then and there, but I was thankful it had stopped me.

I leaned against the wall and slumped down, letting my head rest on my knees. My arms weren't really in a position, they were just sprawled out beside me.

It didn't take long before I found myself reaching for my purse. Normally I wouldn't have brought it with me since it was just Darien's house, but this time was different. In my purse was a little pocketknife I'd "borrowed" from Sammy. He never used it anyway and I can guarantee you he wouldn't notice its absence. I reached in and fished it out. My head turned slightly so I could glance at the blade popping out. It was untainted and had no rust. I wouldn't get tetanus if I used it. And besides, right now I really needed it. Right now this little guy was my friend.

Before positioning it above my wrist, I examined my reflection in the metal. I looked like I was ready to die, already embracing death if it wanted to come in. As much as I wanted to look away, I didn't. Here I was, right about to cut myself _again_. I lifted my wrist up a little more so I could see where one of my wristbands had folded on itself, revealing at least eight or nine scars and two scabs. The other wrist, I knew, wasn't any better. I couldn't help it, though. The feeling that nested in my gut wouldn't go away until I slit my skin. Only this was bad pain, so I'd have to go just a little deeper. I couldn't keep going deeper, though. I was already about one centimeter away from slicing through the vein everyone keeps talking about. If I hit that, it was all over. I didn't want it to be over.

I turned my wrist to its side and cut it there, that way I wouldn't focus too much on my feelings while I cut, and therefore if I cut too deep, I wouldn't hit that vein. I slid the blade back into its wooden slot and put it back in purse. I'd clean it later. Right now I just wanted to watch my blood drip down. Even though it was on the side, I'd cut it pretty deep. I might've even hit bone. And I'd done it three times, just to make sure the feeling wouldn't come back. So, yes, the blood didn't just run down my arm, it dripped off.

I looked up at Darien's door. I stood up and intentionally smeared blood across it. After I was done I let my arm fall back to my side, feeling the blood trickle down my fingers and making its new dropoff point my fingertips. I picked up my black wristband, but decided against putting it on. Perhaps if Darien saw me like this, he'd...no...he'd do nothing but regret dumping me and he'd take me on pity dates. That wasn't a relationship at all, that was just being nice to someone. Friends took other friends on pity dates, boyfriends didn't. Boyfriends left you a hundred voice messages and texts. To be perfectly honest, boyfriends showed concern. Darien wouldn't. Not anymore.

I sighed.

_You moron... You're in deeper water than that! What will other people think if they saw all that blood on your hand?_

Oh, that's right. I looked down to see that my hand had, in fact, been coated crimson. The white tile floor had several dark red spots on it from where my bleeding wrist had been hovering over it. The blood contrasted greatly with the white tiles. This wasn't good. I needed to find something to wrap my hand up in. But, and again, darn the luck I had, I'd forgotten to pack some gauze or cotton in my purse before I left.

I swore to myself I wouldn't cry; I hadn't cried real tears in God-only-knows how long. I just wanted it to go away. Why was it fair I had to suffer while everyone else seemed to be living a happy life? I cried in front of my friends about the stupidest little things that never actually bothered me, like getting a failing grade or having my weight made fun of. Getting a failing grade didn't bother me because other than my love for Darien, which for some reason wouldn't waver even now, I didn't have any emotions left. I think I got rid of them long ago, letting pain and hurt fill the void.

I glanced back at Darien's door one last time, knowing this may very well be the last time I ever get to look at it. Let's just face facts, he hated me. I didn't know why, but I wasn't that dense. I could take a hint. ...I just had a hard time giving him up is all. I took a deep breath, suddenly finding myself, even as I was looking at his door, trying to forget who he was and what he meant to me.

I was not going to cry over him.

I was not going to cry.

Ever.

Never.

I started to feel slightly lightheaded. Worried and concerned, I looked down at my wrist, inspecting it to see if I might've hit a vein by accident. Two of the cuts went a little closer to the underside of my wrist than I intended, but I don't think I hit any major veins, probably just a few smaller branches of veins. To my surprise there was still blood coming out; it hadn't scabbed over yet. This was indeed something to keep watch over. I didn't have anything to stop the blood; I had to get out, sneak out somehow.

I looked toward the side of the wall, where an air vent was waiting for me to crawl out. Before I went through, I looked back at the white floor, soiled by my red blood. The contrast was great and I knew someone would see it. I knew Darien would see it.

What would Darien do in that kind of situation? Would he suspect that it was my blood? Would he think I'd gotten a bad nosebleed or something? Probably not. I could lie about the blood once it clotted. I could say that I'd been painting and spilled some red paint all over my arms. But even if that was believable, Darien and the rest, if he chose to tell my friends, would see the blood smeared across his door and know something different was up. Maybe I could just keep quiet about it. If he confronted me about it, I could just act like I had no idea.

I could transform back into helpless, whiny Serena. Granted, it wasn't who I really was, but for now it was an excellent coverup. No one would ever guess that bubbly and cheerful Serena would hurt herself. And ever since Darien broke up with me, I'd acted "bubbly-sad", basically just whining about how he'd dumped me.

I shook my head. It was over. There was nothing left between us. I just had to face the facts, cope with it, and move on. I sighed and crawled through the vent, making sure I put the grate back on first.

* * *

><p>As I walked through the streets, which were eerily empty, I squeezed my wrist. It was still bleeding, and I didn't know why. Maybe I'd actually severed one of those vein branches. Either way, I was loosing enough blood to make me a little dizzy. Felt like the ground might fall apart.<p>

I closed my eyes. The streets were so empty that I wouldn't bump into anyone. Cars didn't pass by. I wished they would. I needed something else to focus on. There was nothing, though. It was as empty as my soul. I stopped walking and looked at the asphalt. It guided cars along, telling them where to go. It kept them safe from crashing into a tree or a pole or another car. It helped them to get where they wanted to go. What a helpful little road... Wish I had one.

I sighed and kept walking. Was it normal to stay in a depression for this long, without any letup? I had nobody I could talk to. Darien shut me out of his life. The girls would be horrified if they knew. My family would think me nuts. I didn't have a road to help me out. I didn't have anyone.

I heard a voice behind me and put on my ditz mask. But it was only Luna.

"Oh, hi, Luna," I greeted. I gave her my sweetest smile.

"Serena, I'm worried about you," she said. Her eyes reflected her emotions. She was serious. She didn't want crap from me, she wanted the real deal.

"What do you mean?" I asked, feigning innocence.

She furrowed her little kitty eyebrows. "You haven't been yourself ever since your breakup with Darien. You don't think I know what's happening? You don't think I hear you mumbling in your sleep?"

I dropped half my act. "Well, I don't know. It's been hard, you know? But I mean, I'll get through it. It'll just take some time, that's all."

Luna's cat eyes revealed her thoughts. She knew something else was up. She knew there had to be something about me she had yet to figure out. And she was likely thinking that Darien had everything to do with this new and strange behavior.

Little did she know that Darien had much more to do with this than she could possibly imagine. He had caused a much bigger reaction than Luna realized. But so long as only myself knew my secret, it would be alright. Eventually everything would smooth out again, and I would stop cutting and start smiling. Real smiles, not the fake ones. Although it felt like I was caught in an unbreakable rope right now, things would look up and everything would be okay. I could return to being a Sailor Scout. I could get my life back, the life I had before I even met Darien. Now, sometimes I doubted that would happen, but I knew it had to happen, otherwise thoughts of suicide would start tempting me. I was highly unlikely to give into those temptations, but sometimes I wondered what would become of me now that I was one of those "troubled teens" that had already resorted to cutting herself. And who knows how deep I would go in due time? It could be enough to permanently end my suffering one of these days.

It might not be long...

My communicator beeped and as I pulled it out, merely for the sake of not worrying my friends, a little face popped onto the screen. I was happy to see it was Lita this time and not Rei. I couldn't stand to face Rei at the moment, especially given the fact that I had just seen Darien...

"Hey, Lita. What's up?" I greeted her, a smile on my face and a tone as soft as a rose petal.

I heard someone else talk in the background and I saw the brunette turn her head for a second to listen. She nodded after a few seconds and turned back to me. "Well, we were wondering when we were going to see you again. You've kind of hidden yourself. And we've had to handle all the mission alone. We want you to come back to the Scouts."

I furrowed my eyebrows in irritation. "Rei told you to say that, didn't she?"

Lita was silent, but frowned. Just because Rei had told her to say it didn't mean she hadn't said what was on her mind. On this matter, she had agreed with Rei. Everyone probably had. And it wasn't because Rei had pressured them into agreeing with her, it was because everyone knew something deeper was going on with me, they just couldn't pinpoint what it was yet. And I planned to keep it that way.

"We're just really worried, that's all. Ever since you and Darien broke up-" I shut my communicator off. In a few seconds it beeped again, but this time I didn't answer it. Did they really think I wanted to hear about Darien breaking up with me and then replacing me with what was supposedly our future daughter? If they were just that stupid, then they weren't fit to be a Sailor Scout.

"See?" Luna continued. "You've completely cut off your friends and you refuse to be Sailor Moon. You've grown selfish, you know that? You won't even help the others with their missions! What's gotten into you!"

I "hmph"ed and tried to zone out while she kept on with her criticism. She didn't even know what really happened, only that I was now single, yet she thought she had the right to accuse me of being "selfish". If she had known what really happened, she probably wouldn't be saying these things. Besides, if anything, she was being the selfish one. Instead of trying to cheer me up or help me get over this thing, she wanted me to continue on as if nothing ever happened. As if Darien hadn't chosen Rini over me... If only she could imagine how she would feel if Artemis had chosen Diane over her. Then maybe she could talk to me.

I sighed as I quickly glanced down at my black wristband. I knew Luna hadn't noticed, or else she would undoubtedly find it suspicious and remove the one thing that could cover up my wounds. Maybe dying wasn't so bad after all...

_Thinking suicidal thoughts already?_

No, I wasn't. I was depressed, not emo. I didn't necessarily _want_ to die, but sometimes it seemed like the only escape. I didn't want to muddle through this without any emotions. I wanted to become the fake Serena, bubbly and cheerful and whiny. But unfortunately...that just wasn't how life worked.

And worse, now what was I going to do? Darien had been the one thing that kept me from going totally wacko and doing dumb things. I had never had a boyfriend before, see, and I had felt like I was unlovable. If Darien hadn't come along, I might have turned to drugs or strip clubs or something of that nature. Actually drugs didn't seem all that bad right now. I mean, if I only tried them once, if I only experimented...if I didn't go overboard... Maybe they could solve my problems. They made you happy, right? And once it wore off, you just got some more, right? It seemed simple enough, and if I took a steady, harmless dosage, I'm sure I would be okay. If I just took a small dosage every now and then, I would be okay. I wouldn't get addicted like those idiots on TV.

I decided not to try drugs. Not yet at least. If things got so bad that there was just no way I could handle it, _then _I would try them. But somehow I doubted things would get that bad.

Luna continued to rant on about my neglection of my duties and roles I needed to fulfill. I hoped she knew that I wasn't listening to a single word she was saying.


	4. Chapter 4

~Chapter 4~

For several more weeks, I somehow managed life. I tried my best to make good grades, juggling my depression, my schoolwork, and my at-home issues. My parents still, thankfully, had absolutely no idea what was going on with their daughter. Luna was still suspicious of me, but had calmed down a bit. The only time she really got riled up was when the Scouts were asking me, sometimes begging me, to attend a meeting. Everyone but Amy was starting to treat me harshly because I would hardly talk to them and revealed myself as a ditzy teen only at the arcade, which I started going to less and less often. Another thing Luna could rub in my face. Amy was literally the only one tolerating me anymore. Being the most analytical and observant person in my little group, she suspected something else was up. She was turning into Luna's duplicate. In fact, because I knew just how easily she could figure things out, I grew increasingly nervous around her. Whenever she contacted me, I wouldn't respond. Whenever I answered my communicator to see her face greeting me, I immediately shut it off. I had no grudge against Amy. She was a sweet and caring girl. But whenever she set her mind to something that involved her grades or her friends, she usually got to the bottom of it. And rather quickly, I might add.

But thanks to my constant awareness, I had managed to elude her for what seemed to be the longest time. Even Amy couldn't place her finger on what was really going on. She knew very well that I was hiding something, and as determined as she was to figure it out, she simply couldn't do it. She was the main person in my life I worried about. The others were so much more oblivious than Amy and Luna, and as concerned as I was about Luna finding out, which made it worse since she lived with me, I could tell Amy was trying to piece the puzzle. I could tell that she had already gotten some of it done, but it was only a small portion. She had yet to find the other peices that were essential to build on what she already had.

Oh, and did I mention one other thing that made me more secretive and more alert to others? I had started smoking. I was very cautious about this. My parents didn't know, and Luna didn't know, which meant Amy definitely didn't know. Used to be, my mom told me they put bird crap in cigarettes. For the longest time I genuinely believed her, especially since I was much younger when she told me this. But now that I was older, I understood that cigarettes didn't include bird poo in whatever it was under the paper. For the record, I hadn't bothered much to look into what I was smoking.

Oh, but the best part was that Darien had no clue. He didn't know what he'd done to me, and I would do everything in my power to make sure he never got the chance to know. And since he usually treated me like I was a piece of garbage on the street, in terms of avoiding me, I didn't have to worry much about him. And I usually didn't have to worry about anyone else. I washed my clothes in a laundromat, bringing an extra pair of clothes so I would still have something to wear while the smoky ones were being cleaned, and I brushed my teeth thoroughly after each cigarette. I hung out in allies to avoid detection by someone I knew. I bought the packs in secrecy, dressing myself in a hoodie and darkly tinted sunglasses so that no one would be able to clearly see my face, and therefore unable to guess who I was. I still wore the black wristbands just in case.

The only reason I smoked was because I'd learned that it acted like a very light drug, releasing some kind of chemical in the brain that stimulated a little spark of peace and happiness. Only a little spark, though. Nothing major. Plus it was legal and no one would arrest me since it was so common to see other teens smoke. And besides, cutting took my mind off Darien and Rini, and the cigarettes let me be at a short term of peace, relieving me of the heavy burden Darien had so generously placed on my heart.

What would he think if he saw me like this? I already knew the answer. He would take pity on me and try to be my friend, taking me on those fake dates that I would hate so much.

I slid a cigarette out of a Camel pack and popped open the lid of a small lighter. In seconds I ignited a tiny flame the size of a candle's fire. The flame flickered as I held the cigarette in my mouth and brought it up to the end of the stick. It didn't take long for the magic to work. I took the cigarette from my mouth and blew out the last embers of the lighter before closing the lid. I put the paper-filled stick back in my mouth and inhaled.

I almost swallowed my cigarette when I heard familiar voices noisily chatting a bunch of unimportant things. From what I could hear, it was Amy and Mina. The others might be with them, but if they were then they weren't talking.

I huddled close to a corner and turned my back to a point where it was almost impossible to recognize me. I froze as the voices drew nearer to my location.

"Yeah, I know. She hasn't shown up at all for the past...uh... Amy, help me out," Mina said.

"To be honest, I lost track around the fourth week," Amy replied.

The footsteps could be heard now, which meant they were going to pass right by me. The moment of truth would be upon now. This moment would decide whether or not they would find out. Maybe not about the cutting, but...

"I think something else is up with her." I knew Mina was talking about me, but right now I had more important matters to focus on.

"We all do. I wish she would give us at least _something _to go on. I mean, it's not like her to just disappear all of a sudden."

"Yeah. I know the breakup with Darien was a big blow for her, but by now she should've lighten up at least a little bit, don't you think?"

I waited and waited, growing angry that they would talk about my diminished relationship behind my back. There were boundaries, and as my friends they should respect those boundaries. They were discussing something really personal right now, something that had nothing to do with them whatsoever. The least they could do was try to understand, try to respect my way of coping with this.

After what seemed like an entire freaking eon, they went away, rounding a turn and vanishing behind another building. Chances were, they were headed for the arcade. Well good riddance. At least they were concerned about me though. Darien wasn't. Not anymore. What luck I had, landing a guy who, right when I needed him the most, dropped me like a hot piece of metal. It wasn't just a "big blow", it was a devastating bullet that I hadn't had time to dodge.

I sighed and turned around to finish off the cigarette, smoking seeping out of my parted lips as I exhaled. A gray cloud embraced the airspace above my head, soon dissipating with the wind.

Soon the unexpected happened, and a furious Luna stepped out from the shadows. "SERENA!"

I yelped in surprise and stumbled backwards. I had been so vigilant...when had she found me? Or a better question, _how_ did she find me?

The only upside to this was that I could easily turn the tables on her and corner her. "What are you _doing_ here?"

"What are you doing here? Oh wait, the answer is right in between your fingers!" she hissed, the fur on her back standing on end as if she had rubbed a balloon on herself.

"Yeah, so?" I answered, playing the nonchalant card.

"_So_, you shouldn't be smoking! What would your parents think, Serena!" she continued.

I huffed and replied, "I don't _care_ what they think. And besides, they don't even know. And you can't tell them, Luna. A talking cat would blow an everyday sight out of the water."

"I can tell the girls though," she said truthfully, thinking she had me cornered. It was really just the opposite.

"So what? You'll tattle on me? And to the girls? They won't be able to do anything about it. Besides, this doesn't involve you. It's not your job to tell me what I can and can't do." I tapped my cigarette and let a burnt portion of it fall to the ground.

"You'll regret this one day." She seemed to resign herself to the defeat I'd bestowed upon her. It became instantly clear to the both of us that she couldn't convince me to stop smoking. It was probably the one thing she couldn't talk me out of.

Checkmate.

"What's gotten into you? You aren't the Serena I know anymore..."

"The Serena you knew was a fake. This is the real Serena. Like what you see? Didn't think so," I said.

"This just started all of a sudden. This isn't you. It was never you. You didn't act like this until- Wait, don't tell me this is about Darie-"

I cut her short with a snappy interruption. "Get it through your head, Luna! This isn't your business! You have no right to talk about anything that happened between me and Darien, got it?"

I put the cigarette up to my mouth and breathed in before taking it out again. I tapped the little thing again so the burnt part fell off.

"Will you...you... UGH!" She turned around and slinked off to wherever it was she was going. I didn't know whether or not she would tell the girls, but I had made an excellent point. No one could really do anything about this, no matter how hard they tried. At least Luna had already realized that.

* * *

><p>The very next morning, and I literally mean as soon as I woke up, my phone vibrated. Then, almost at the same time, my communicator beeped. I couldn't help but wonder who it was. Part of me was really hoping it was Darien. Another part of me wondering why I tried so hard to hang on to the last threads of that relationship, if there were any threads left.<p>

As soon as my phone stopped vibrating, it started vibrating again. When I finally got up after about seven more vibrations, I noticed that my phone had like forty texts and exactly twelve missed calls. My communicator was still beeping, and I turned it off, already knowing it was one of the girls. I don't know how I slept through the communicator. I reluctantly checked my e-mail. I wished I hadn't. There had to be at least a hundred e-mails, but thankfully only about five or six of them were from the girls. The rest was just spam.

I sighed and got up. I knew Luna had told them, and now they were frantically trying to find out why I'd started smoking. I didn't think it would be such a big deal. I mean, everyone but my great-grandmother from my mom's side of the family smoked. Therefore, smoking was in my blood. Every time I went to visit them I was exposed to it; it was only a matter of time. And now the time had finally come, big whoop. No need for this huge blowup.

I sighed again and decided that today I would completely avoid the girls. I would hang out in one of those nasty place smack in between bars and fast food restaurants if I had to. Anything but having to talk to them about this. Maybe I would after this mess had settled down. Maybe they were just having a hard time grasping it, and hopefully they would get over in a few days to a week's time frame.

Now it seemed like I was making a huge deal by taking drastic measures to hide myself from my pesky and rather nosy friends. I say pesky mainly because of Rei, who was probably the one sending most of these texts.

My phone vibrated again, this time with another call. I didn't pick up the phone. I pressed the ignore button and started looking through my text messages. As I suspected, most of them were from Rei.

_Serena, you need to call me!_ **-Rei**. _Are you okay?_ **-Mina**. _OMG You're smoking now?_** -Lita**. _Tell me it's not true!_** -Lita**. _Why are you smoking?_ **-Amy**. _What's wrong?_ **-Rei**. _We're worried about you!_ **-Rei**._ Luna told us everything. What's going on?_** -Mina**. _We need to talk..._ **-Rei**. _Is it true? Are you really smoking?_ **-Lita**. _This isn't funny!_ **-Rei**. _You could get cancer from all the nicotine!_ **-Amy**. _What's next, drugs?_ **-Rei**. _It's not good for you to smoke!_ **-Mina**. _You have to stop this, Serena._ **-Mina**._ We're still here for you. You can talk to us, you know._ **-Amy**. _We won't think badly of you!_** -Lita**._ Is this why you've been so down lately?_ **-Rei**._ It's really stupid and immature to smoke._ **-Rei**._ Especially if it's just because of a breakup! Sorry, I forgot to put this in the last text._ **-Rei**. _You have to stop doing this to yourself._ **-Mina**.

I just deleted the rest of them. From what I'd read, they all pretty much said the exact same thing. I bet not a single one of them said "I'm sorry you feel this way." And Rei had been just plain rude. How was that supposed to help? Why couldn't she have just been in a confused daze like the rest of them? And then telling me to call her? Why would I call her when she had clearly stated what was on her mind via text? If I called her, she would probably just yell at me about what Luna had told them all.

_What's next, drugs?_ Well, since I'd already considered those as a last resort, yes, if things got to that point. Eh, they were probably just shocked because I had done something unexpected. That's why all these stupid texts were piling up, consuming my minutes. They needed to stop. I would get in big trouble if I went over my minutes. But even so, that one text Rei had sent bothered me. I knew she was just being sarcastic, but without her knowing it, she was right. Well, may be right. It all depended on whether or not cutting and cigarettes could sustain me. If they didn't then unfortunately it would narrow my choices down to one single option. Exactly what Rei had said in her message.

_This isn't funny!_ Again, sent by Rei. But this time it bothered me for a different reason. Why would she even say that when she knew it was for real? Did she expect me to feel any better or any more motivated by insulting me? What the heck was _wrong_ with her? Yeah, Mina shared the same pain as I did from Rei's constant...well, whatever it was she was doing, but now that she had something bigger to complain about, I was going to have a rough few days ahead of me. So thanks, Rei.

_Are you okay?_ Mina's texts were my favorites. Unlike Rei she actually tried to help me. The tone through her texts was kind but also mindful. Mina and the fake Serena had alot in common, but even if I wasn't fake Serena right now, she still knew how to cheer me up. In fact, her texts almost made me laugh. One reason was because she was really concerned about me, and another was because she actually thought she could contribute to Amy's and Lita's texts. If Rei had been nicer and not herself, maybe these messages would push me to stop. I doubted it but it could've worked. Once more Rei had ruined something that was supposed to be supportive. And while it was true that I needed her chiding at times, it was also true that I got sick of it when I didn't need it.

I groaned. They all meant well, including Rei, no matter how harsh and severe she could be, but it simply wasn't enough. I would do anything for Darien, so if it had been him instead of the girls, there was no doubt in my mind that I would stop everything I was doing and tell him I was fine. But no matter what, I don't think I would ever be able to tell him how hurt I had been. I doubted I could inflict the same pain he had brought to me.

Frankly, I doubted I could do anything right now.

_Well you can't do anything right now. You already know how it's going to turn out._

I took a deep breath slowly let it out. My mind was right. At the rate these things were worsening, I would eventually be forced to do what I didn't want to do. Or maybe I did want to. I don't know, I'd thought about drugs and drinking until I passed out, but I wanted to wait a little longer. Hopefully things would lighten up and I would pull myself out of my rut. Hopefully, things would look up.

**A/N**

**Yeah, this might've been a little stale, but please review anyway!**


	5. Chapter 5

~Chapter 5~

In just a few months' time, things had gone downhill. So downhill that the hill was so steep that it might as well be considered a free fall. I had no idea how much it had worsened. All I knew was that I had run away from home when I felt too uncomfortable that my parents could find out about me. I had managed to evade the police...somehow...and live on my own. I found some old abandoned house. It was little and quaint and I loved it. I loved it because it provided me with shelter and I loved it because no one would find me here. The only downside was its location. It was almost smack in the center of an older part of town that had a reputation as "dangerous". I didn't find it dangerous, just unkempt. It was true that there were gangs and thugs wandering the streets, but I hadn't heard a gunshot yet, and I hadn't even seen a gun. I assumed they just wanted to look tough.

But it was officially safe to say that things had gone from bad to better. I had all but forgotten about Darien, thanks to my new friends. My "house" was near a bar, which is where I usually hung out. And if you're wondering, yes, I did drink. And the next morning, yes, I did wake up with one heck of a hangover. So why did I keep doing it? I found this new life exciting and new and distracting, and to be perfectly honest, somewhat fun. I didn't have to attend school anymore and I didn't have to worry about my parents or my old friends or even Luna! I could still smoke, but this time without anyone caring, and I could drink as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted, and wherever I wanted. I never even had to pay since Summer always paid for me.

Summer was awesome! She let me stay at her place and made good money by dealing drugs. So in that sense, I could grab a bag of crack if I wanted and she wouldn't mind at all. I wasn't at the drug point though. I never asked her for drugs of any kind. But when I wanted a drink or a cigarette, Summer was always there for me.

I had another friend named Paula, but she hated her name and changed it. Now everyone called her Betch because she wanted to sound tough and sassy. I never saw her at night because she worked at a strip club. She didn't make as much money as Summer, but she still made a healthy amount. Betch always joined us for a drink at lunch.

And lastly, there was my only male friend, Kent. I was pretty sure he had a thing for Summer, but I really didn't care. So long as I had a beer in my hand and a cigarette in my mouth, I was fine with whatever they did.

I know it sounds bad, but it really wasn't. I could live a carefree life here. No parents to tell me what to do, no Rei or Luna making snide remarks at me, no responsibilities as a Sailor Scout, no more communicator constantly beeping... You get the point. I could live like I wanted to here. I had power over my life now. Darien was still on my mind, but once I got drunk he disappeared. I didn't have to hide my smoking and cutting. Those wristbands hadn't been worn in quite some time. In fact, I didn't even know why I kept them.

I smiled as Summer continued on about her newest drawing. Yeah, I didn't understand how a dealer could be into art. It really fascinated her, so much that she was trying to become an artist. But she was already content with her current job, so she didn't know what to do. Making famous paintings was harder than it looked, she always said. She also couldn't get motivated enough to create her masterpieces. So I was her inspiration. Sometimes she drew portraits of me, for reasons I'll never know, and sometimes she asked me to point out a random object because she couldn't choose which object to draw first. Or second. Or third. She aspired to become an excellent artist. She always found flaws in her artwork though. It was never good enough for her and she told me that if she kept drawing and kept practicing, she would become famous one day.

In spite of the flaws I couldn't see, I always told her she had done a good job. She thanked me but I knew she never believed me. I thought her works were really good though. I was telling her the truth.

And finally she asked the one question I should've seen coming. "Serena, what should I draw next? It has to be something really complicated though. It has to challenge me."

I scanned the bar we were at. I'd already told her to draw pretty much everything in here. But if it had to be complicated... Let's see, complicated things...complicated things... There was a design on the back wall, but that was someone else's work. Summer would hate it if I told her to draw that. Maybe by complicated, she meant something intricate...or, I don't know. Something, I guess.

"Well, I had a dream about an evil rabbit terrorizing a city awhile back. Why don't you use your imagination and draw that?" I suggested, shrugging my shoulders.

"Artists don't use their imaginations! They have people to do that for them. Pick something else," she commanded.

Augh...I hated when she got all passionate about this crap. It was just art, why was she so into that? Oh well. Um... If I couldn't use my dreams, maybe I could use...uh...something else? Why did I have to be her victim anyway? She was so weird. Okay then, what was something other than an evil rabbit that she would use?

I chose the first random thing that came to my mind. "Draw one of those wedding chapels. Oh, or maybe a grapevine. They're both elegant, so they should both be hard to draw."

She seemed to mull over it, probably trying to choose which one to draw. She tapped her finger on the bar, right beside her glass, and got this Summer expression on her face. She looked like she was confused, and if I didn't know her I would think she was. It was really just her thinking face.

"Okay," she said at last. "I think I'll do the wedding chapel, just because it's a building. I figure a building would be harder than a plant."

"Hey, that plant makes amazing wine you know."

She shrugged and grabbed her cup. She swirled the cup and watched as the ice moved and clattered as they crashed into one another. "Guess that's true. I can't talk smack about wine."

"Not in front of me, you can't."

She chuckled and held the rim of the glass to her lips.

You would imagine a drug dealer as this big, burly, tough man. She wasn't big or burly or a man. She was tough, however, when she wanted to be. But her job had a deceptive nature. With her personality, all happy and cute, kind of like fake Serena, you'd never guess how she made a living. You would probably think something like a waitress or an office assistant or a pediatric nurse. Nope, she was a drug dealer. Although at one point she had been a babysitter, then moved on to a waitress, and then got sick of not making enough money. Finally, after quitting her waitress job, she made a career from selling drugs.

I was fine with her job. She never tried to pressure me into buying from her. She never pressured anyone, actually. Not even her customers.

"Hey, Serena, Summer. You guys smashed yet?" a familiar voice teased right behind us.

"Hi, Kent," Summer greeted with her little Summer-smile.

He laughed and took a seat in the stool next to mine. "What about you?"

I took a drink from Summer's cup and answered, "Will be by tonight."

We stayed quiet as Kent ordered a Bud Light from the bartender. As the bartender prepared his drink, he looked at us.

"So, Serena..." He paused. I could tell he was wondering something about me, and there was no doubt that he was trying to muster the courage to ask me about whatever it was. "I know you don't really like to talk about this stuff, but, um..."

I lighted a cigarette and perked an eyebrow. There were lots of things I didn't like to talk about.

He cleared his throat and smiled nervously. "What made you start...you know..."

I shifted the cigarette to the other side of my mouth and waited for him to finish.

"Well, don't take this the wrong way, but why did you start drinking and smoking?" he asked.

I started staring off into the distance as I thought about it. Hm... He was right, I didn't like to talk about this stuff. I came here hoping to leave behind my past. It was never my intention to have to explain it to Kent or Summer or even Betch. It really wasn't their business. I could understand their curiosity, but I wish he hadn't asked me. Why had I started? Pain. That was the most truthful answer anyone could ever hope to get. Just...pain. Flashbacks of Darien slamming his door in my face as I begged him to listen to me flooded my mind. And then the girls when they learned I had started smoking. And then Luna, of course. She had probably told Artemis already. And it would be too easy to see them searching for me, just like the police had. I hope they didn't forget that I had been a Sailor Scout too. While they could hide in the background, I could hide in plain sight. Want to know how I tricked the police dogs? I simply transformed into Sailor Moon. When the dogs sniffed me out, the police were baffled. They soon apologized for the misunderstanding and returned to the station.

I had once been the leader of the Scouts. I had once been fake Serena to please everyone else. I had been hurt when the supposed "love of my life" broke my heart. I had been replaced by the pinkette who was supposed to be our future daughter. I had started cutting. I had hidden my scars from the world. I had started smoking. The girls and my cat, and probably Mina's cat now, had freaked when they learned about it. I had run away...because...I hated my old life. Yeah, that's right. I said it. I was tired of being a Sailor Scout and the Moon Princess. I was tired of the Negaverse and all its crap. I was tired of fake Serena. I was tired of being me.

So I fled. And I ended up here.

I took the cigarette from my mouth and blew a puff of smoke in Kent's face. He swished his hand, trying to slap away the gray cloud. But the smoke just hung there, unwilling to move away.

"What the heck was that for?" he grumbled.

I merely turned to the bartender and asked for another beer. Mine was gone, and Summer probably didn't want me taking some more of hers. I would drink as much as possible until I woke to a hangover. Then my past would be erased, at least for a moment or two. The guilt of leaving my family and friends was a hard thing to bear. And as much as I wanted to leave it all behind me, I would continue to feel remorse for my actions. Even now, as I drank myself in to a daze, ordering one drink after another, trying to get smashed before tonight instead of by tonight...I felt Darien. I wanted to hate him for what he'd put me through, but somehow I didn't have it in me. How was it fair that I was still hurting because of him, yet I couldn't hate him for that? Seriously!

As I drained what had to be my third or fourth beer, I felt weird. Thank God. I thought it would never come. See, getting drunk involves a few stages... Stage one: start feeling weird. Stage two: start getting lightheaded. Stage three: start getting all happy and excited. Stage four: you don't know what you're doing or why you're doing it. Stage five: pass out.

I was about to pick up my fifth...was it fifth yet? Oh well, I'll just say fifth. I was about to pick up my fifth glass when a hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me back. I looked to see Summer's worried face.

"Serena, you've never drank this many beers in this little time before... Is something wrong?" she asked sweetly.

"I thought I'd break my drinking record," I lied.

And naturally, she would catch onto the lie. Somehow that girl knew when someone was lying or not. "What's bothering you, sweetheart?"

I grunted and yanked my hand back. "Nothing."

"Serena...?" she coaxed.

I noticed Kent was just as eager to know, which was saying something since he was usually oblivious to anything but what he was interested in.

"Okay, I came here for a bunch of reasons. I started drinking and smoking for those same reasons. Doesn't matter anymore though. It's all in the past," I told them.

Before another word could be said, I grabbed my fifth beer and began chugging it down. Then I had another beer after that, then another after that, and then another one, and then one more after that. By then I was in between stages three and four of getting drunk. All I really remember was laughing hysterically at...well, I'm not quite sure.

When I finally came to, it was to a throbbing headache. I must've gone overboard after I'd gotten drunk. Ow...my poor head... I reluctantly opened my eyes to find the bar's ceiling above me. So I was still in the bar. I hadn't run off to do something totally stupid. That was good at least... I had to be in the same bar. I didn't slip away to another one. There was no doubt that Kent and Summer, maybe even Betch, were still here. I usually did some pretty crazy stuff when I got drunk.

I propped myself up on my elbows. I found out I was on a table. I didn't know why, and I probably didn't want to know why. "What happened?"

As I suspected, Summer and Kent were still there. I didn't see Betch anywhere. I held my head and let Summer put a damp cloth on it.

"Man," Kent laughed, "you do some crazy shit when you're drunk!"

"Huh?"

Kent was too busy laughing to answer, so Summer filled me in. "Well, at first we thought you weren't drunk yet...but... Uh, when we saw you flirting with a woman who had walked in the bar, we kind of knew."

"I flirted with a _girl_?"

Summer nodded. "Sure did. We had to pull you away. You also threw up in a mop bucket. You thought you were in the bathroom."

"Shit..." I mumbled. With the pain in my head right now, I didn't care if I cursed.

Kent suddenly butted in, saying, "Yeah, and then you started telling all these messed up stories about yourself!" He returned to laughing for a little bit.

I jerked myself up until I was standing. Granted, I was a little wobbly on my feet, but to tell stories about myself? What if something I said had been true? "I did? What did I say?"

Summer snorted. "You kept telling us you were Sailor Moon."

My face paled and I tried to conjure up a smile. "Oh, that's pretty crazy."

"That isn't the worst of it," Kent added. "You also kept saying something about the 'Moon Princess'. Man, that was hilarious! You have to get drunk again sometime!"

"You should've seen how red your face was. It was like watching a strawberry with arms and legs!" Summer laughed.

Even though I'd probably told them all about me and the Scouts, and probably my history with them, they didn't believe me. So I had told them the truth, but thankfully I never carried my brooch with me. Therefore, even if I had tried, I couldn't have transformed in front of them to give them any proof. And I really didn't need to worry. I mean really, Sailor Moon? Probably best to seal the deal though, just in case. You know, better safe than sorry and all that junk.

"Wish I _was_ Sailor Moon," I mumbled playfully.

"Yeah, well Sailor Moon doesn't go around getting drunk every day. She also doesn't smoke." Kent picked up my half-finished cigarette from the counter so he could show me the evidence.

How ironic was it that he was both right and wrong... Technically, I was still Sailor Moon whether I wanted to be or not. But technically I'd resigned that title. So, yes, Serena and Sailor Moon got drunk and smoked. The old Serena and the old Sailor Moon never did that stuff. That was because the old Serena and the old Sailor Moon were gone. Forever. Rei, Lita, Amy, and Mina...Sailor Venus, Sailor Jupiter, Sailor Mercury, and Sailor Mars...they would have to find their way without me now. As for Tuxedo Mask...he had one less person to protect.

Anyway, there was no point in remembering them. None of it was my problem anymore. Sure, we'd had some good times, along with the rough ones, but they had only had fun with fake Serena. Real Serena finally had a chance to take charge of her life, and she did.

I stretched, hoping it would help the headache go away. I'd had worse hangovers before. This wasn't all that bad compared to some of the others.

"Geez, Serena, you're going to drink yourself into a coma one of these days," Summer teased.

I pretended like I was drinking another beer. "Chug chug."

**A/N**

**Not necessarily going overboard. In several ways, I'm telling the life of someone I know. Except they weren't Sailor Moon. But this is pretty much what happened with them.**


	6. Chapter 6

~Chapter 6~

Smoke filled the chilly air as I walked to Summer's place. Betch had been out of town on a business trip. Something about her boss wanting to expand the business. But she could do whatever she wanted to. Here was paradise. Anyone could do anything they wanted here. It was as free as free could get. You didn't have to worry about anything you didn't want to.

I smiled gratefully and tapped my cigarette. It had been three years. Darien? Almost always off my mind. I didn't belong to anybody, especially not him. I had done the right thing by coming here. Nobody had thought to look for me here. To me this was serene and peaceful. I could smoke without the girls on my tail. I didn't even need to cut myself anymore. The hurt I'd been feeling before had completely disappeared. There was no more guilt, no more pain, no more worry. I was freed from it all. Thanks to this magical place, I was both hidden and happy. My oasis.

I knocked on my friend's door and soon enough, she opened it to greet me with a hug. "Hey, Serena."

"Sorry I'm late. You know how Kent can be," I said. "He spent hours babbling on about stuff. I really don't remember. Zoned out, you know?"

She laughed and led me inside. Her place was small, but cozy. I plopped onto a bean bag and she sat on her couch.

"What's up?" I asked.

I'd quit everything, I'd given it up. My friends had only been concerned about me because they cared about me. Everyone was probably out there right now, looking for me even though I'd been gone for years. My family, my friends, my cat. All of them were probably worried. They probably thought something had happened to me. In a certain, indirect sense, something had happened to me. A little thing called freedom.

But...no, I wasn't going back to that. If they were still looking for me, then it was only a matter of time until they found me.

* * *

><p>An entire year had passed. I was now nineteen years old. I would turn twenty in half a year. Literally. My birthday was six months away.<p>

Summer and Betch kept telling me I would "drink myself to death". It wasn't true, they were just trying to bug me. Only occasionally did it work. On those rare occasions, they tried to take my drink away and I got angry until they gave it back. But I would do anything to get my hands on a beer or a margarita or sometimes wine. Alcohol was pretty much all I drank. Besides, I could tolerate a ton of that stuff. I still got drunk though, and when I did it was fun...until the hangover part. But it was sooooo worth it. Even after the hangover I had another drink. I was happy when I was drinking and smoking. I stopped cutting because of it. Now I didn't have to worry about that stupid vein.

The girls and Darien were never on my mind anymore. I had completely forgotten about my friends, my ex, and my family. My family consisted solely of Kent, Summer, and Betch. They didn't freak out when they saw me smoking. They sometimes encouraged my drinking. And I drank so much that they called me an alcoholic. I was pretty sure that was true, so there was no point in getting offended by it.

I had experimented with some of Summer's drugs, but no matter how high I got, I decided I was better off without them. We celebrated that moment with special wine.

And I got smashed every day, and I loved it. Sometimes I could tell what I was doing, but I couldn't actually control it. Most of the time I couldn't even remember what I was doing. Which oftentimes frustrated Summer and Kent, the only ones available to make sure I didn't kill myself while I was drunk. Most of the time, I couldn't believe what they told me I did when I woke up.

I lighted a cigarette and started smoking. I wanted to look hot today, so I'd decided to put on a small red shirt that tied around the middle, successfully showing off a flat, toned belly, and some really short blue jean shorts. Oh yeah, and I had gotten a haircut awhile back. Now my hair didn't have buns and it came down to the small of my back. I also wore thick makeup, something I wouldn't have put on four years ago. Or was it five? Eh, I wasn't really sure anymore. No use in counting. I wasn't going back and that was all that mattered right now.

I smiled and blew out a strong cloud of smoke. Yes. No worries. I got to be disconnected with the entire world if I drank enough. I got to be on the clouds instead of on the ground. It was the perfect life for me, the life I deserved after years of hurt and torture. Now I'd forgotten about it all. At long last. Granted, it took three years, but once I reached the fourth year here, I finally managed to sever the last ties connecting me to my past. Now I had nothing holding me back. I went to raves whenever I wanted and I partied at random strangers' houses. I danced however, wherever, and whenever I pleased. If I wanted to jump instead of actually dance, I could do just that. If I spent all my time throwing my fist up in the air and chanting the songs, I could do that too. If I wanted to really break out some awesome moves, I could do that. If I wanted to look sexy while I danced, I could definitely do that. Actually, I found that I was much sexier than I'd first realized. I could catch the attention of a million guys, whether single or not. I had the power to sleep with one of them if I wanted. But that only happened if I was _really_ drunk. As in, so freaking drunk that I couldn't recognize a fire hydrant from a I would get so drunk that I would run into a street light or a stop sign and say, "Excuse me, sir." Yeah, sometimes it got pretty bad. That's where Summer and Kent came in, making sure I didn't cross the street and get hit by a car. But during parties they lost me half the time because of all the people.

I took yawned before I put the little white "cancer stick" back in my mouth. Supposedly I had slept with some guy the night before, in accordance to Summer. That would explain why I was so tired this afternoon. But thankfully I was already half-drunk, so the exhaustion would go away soon. I looked at the bottle of beer in my hand, still pretty full. Not for long. That entire bottle would be downed in a single hour or less. I tried to read the label on the bottle. I couldn't. Ayup, not long at all. I took the cigarette out and replaced it with the beer, chugging as much of it as I could before I needed to breathe again. With just that one drink, the bottle had been drained to half of what it once was. Safe to say I was an expert at drinking alcohol. A real professional. No, seriously though, I had actually won like five drinking contests. I'd earned quite a bit of money for myself through contests like that. I had beaten the snot out of anyone who challenged me. Heh heh...

"Geez, Serena. Thirsty much?" Kent teased.

My slurred speech was already revealing how close I was to getting completely smashed. "I need beer... S'good for me."

As we continued to walk down the sidewalk, we talked about nothing too important. That is, until I really did get drunk. By then there was no actual talking. Just hysterical laughing on my part and bumping into pretty much everything and then laughing about it even though it should've hurt. Even though Kent was there to help me, even he couldn't prevent unexpected acts. Anyone who was there when I was drunk had to keep a careful eye on me, or I could be in the next city by probably a minute.

I tilted the bottle again and drank the last drops of its contents. I lost what little balance I had left and fell into Kent, knocking him off balance as well. We both fell down and Kent was the first to help me up, steadying me as I wobbled around.

"Alright," he said. "Time to go to Summer's place. You'll be her problem."

I couldn't comprehend what he'd said, so I just laughed loudly and tried to dance, despite his attempts to hold me back. I was told that I danced even better when I was drunk...somehow. Kent hated it, since he was often the one stuck with me while I drank as much as I possibly could. He told me guys usually stared at me like I was the most wonderful thing in the world. I didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. So I just kind of kept quiet about it.

I suddenly felt the urge to run away from Kent, and since he wasn't expecting it, I got away from him, somehow maintaining enough equilibrium to move at all.

"Wait, Serena!" his voice echoed.

"You can't catch me!" I sang.

The only upside to my drinking until I lost my mind was that I never got violent. I was as playful and harmless as a kitten. In fact, the only one of my friends who got violent every now and then was Kent. I placed blame on testosterone levels. It was especially fun when Kent and I got drunk together. Supposedly we would play baseball without our feet. Nobody knew who was winning because the ball and bat were both imaginary. I sometimes could recall very vague memories of times like that. But it was different when Summer got drunk. Nothing like Kent. She would try to do cartwheels, thinking she was on a trampoline. And there was just no way I could leave out Betch. She was highly intolerant of alcohol. So when she got drunk, she would end up doing the weirdest things, like talking to a tree. The fun didn't last long with her though. She blacked out too soon. But unlike the rest of us, at least, she never once threw up. Lucky, lucky...

* * *

><p>By the next morning, I'd forgotten entirely what had happened. And again, I had a bad headache, which meant I'd gotten drunk. Another morning, another hangover. I assumed I was at either Kent or Summer's apartment. I couldn't be at Betch's because she worked most of the night. And I'd gotten drunk somewhere around yesterday afternoon.<p>

I slowly sat up, holding my head with one of my hands. "Hey, Kent?"

No one answered.

"Summer?"

Again, no answer.

"This isn't funny, guys! I've got a freaking hangover!"

This time there was an answer. And it was Summer cracking up. I opened my eyes to find myself at her apartment. Well, at least it wasn't Kent... He would sit there and tease me for an hour before letting me recover from waking up after having been drunk for a few hours. Maybe more, I don't really know. It varied depending on how much I drank.

"Get your butt up!" I heard Summer call to me.

I huffed. She could be strange. She would be nice and cheery one second and sarcastic and rude the next. "My head hurts!"

"Quit whining!"

Ugh... I got out of bed, my feet meeting soft carpet. It was different from my home. Well, it wasn't really a home anymore. I usually stayed at Summer's or Kent's place, so my place was usually pretty empty. I opened the door to find Summer in the kitchen, making breakfast. Smelled good and I _loved_ her cooking! Seemed like everything she made was made by a professional chef. And I liked how she never tried to make her food look fancy. It was all normal and casual-looking.

"Hey, Summer," I said. "Smells good."

She grinned. "Thanks, but this isn't for you."

"Huh?" I must've done something while I was drunk that made her angry. Did I mention that Summer could be very spiteful at times?

"It's for them." She pointed over to the area behind the kitchen, which was blocked by a wall. I couldn't see who "them" was yet, so I rounded the corner to find out.

There was a brunette, a bluenette, a blonde, and a girl with long black hair. Friends of hers? Family? Cousins twice removed? Maybe they were fellow dealers. Like some kind of dealer meeting. Maybe these people were the people who she got her drugs from. But I didn't want to say that out loud. I could be wrong about the whole thing. I mean, they didn't look anything like someone who was in the drug business.

I couldn't help but notice the huge bow that the blonde girl was wearing. I mean that thing was enormous! How could she even hold her head up with that thing on? And then the brown-headed girl had her hair up in a very casual ponytail, and apparently had a single strip of a blonde highlight to the left side of her head. then there was the black-haired girl. I had to admit she had beautiful hair, but I didn't understand why she wore purple contacts. Anyone with pretty hair like that would have pretty eyes as well. But I've been wrong before. Moving on to the girl with the blue hair... She had short hair. I figured it would be really pretty if she grew it out, but it wasn't my call to make. She somehow just _looked_ like the shy type.

I cast Summer a mean glance. "So nice of you to tell me you were having guests over. I could've gone to Kent's place!"

She smiled and replied, "Not my fault. They just showed up here earlier this morning."

"So then you don't know these people?"

The black-haired girl spoke up, breaking our conversation. "Actually, we've come here looking for someone."

I didn't like these girls. I didn't know them, and Summer didn't know them. It left the question of who they were. "Whoever you're looking for probably isn't in here. It's just me and Summer."

The brunette answered for her friend. "We just wanted to see if anyone knew. Sorry for the misunderstanding."

The group got up to leave, but Summer didn't want them to go without breakfast. And what Summer wants, Summer gets. She practically forced the girls to sit back down while she finished cooking their meals.

"We're fine though, really." The bluenette smiled at us. Had to admit it was kind of a cute smile.

I grunted, trying to show Summer my displeasure of waking up to strangers. I didn't know why I tried. She wouldn't have it anyway. Besides, this _was_ her apartment and not mine. So technically she made the rules, not me. If she wanted to have guests then there wasn't a thing I could do about it. Except hope she pushed them out, which I knew for a fact she wouldn't.

As I examined the black-haired girl's clothes, I couldn't help but make a comment. "What is a miko doing on this side of town?"

Her friend, that strange blonde with the gargantuan bow on her head, spoke for her. "Well you see, we've all come here looking for our friend. We haven't seen her in a really long time."

Okay... So...that still didn't actually answer my question. I had no real choice but to assume that this miko had come here because she and the others were all friends who were looking for another friend. It was mind-boggling to me, but that was probably because I still had a hangover. It was only the simple things that made sense to me right now. And one of those simple things was: I did not like these girls. They ruined my morning; Summer wouldn't let me drink _or_ smoke when she had guests. It was the one restriction she had on this place. Well, that and don't break anything. But you get my point.

I was about to turn around and let myself out of my friend's apartment, but the black-haired girl tensed and yelled, "Wait!"

I stopped myself and looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "Our friend is a girl named Serena. Have you seen her?"

Now, this is what really caught my attention. Even Summer was looking at me strangely, seeing if I would answer. She was probably wondering the same thing I was... And it wasn't just me, everyone stood silently. Stupid girl...she'd really put me on the spot this time. And you want to talk about aggravating... This girl was the meaning of the word!

"Who wants to know?" I asked.

The black-haired girl relaxed herself but had a disappointed look on her face. I blinked. It most likely wasn't me they were talking about, but still... What if someone did this to you? How would you feel? Besides, why would anyone be looking for me? Unless of course, they were cops or something. Crap! If they knew my drinking record, I was done for! And what if it was actually a crime to be around meth-heads? I had never tried it before because I'd heard of how addicting it could be, but when I went to raves, there were usually drugged up meth-people there that just sat around laughing and talking.

The blonde spoke this time. "I'm Mina, and this is Rei, Lita, and Amy." She gestured to each of the others and as their names were said, they waved and smiled.

I mouthed their names. They sounded so familiar...but...I didn't know why, but I just couldn't quite place my finger on who they were.

"So, have you seen her?" Mina asked.

I looked up at her, soon biting my fingernail. I didn't know these people. So it couldn't be me they were after. But they also looked familiar... Who were they though? I was certain that at one point or another, I'd met them. All of them, not just Mina. "Hold on one second."

I grabbed Summer's hand and dragged her into her bedroom, closing the door so the other girls wouldn't hear us.

"Okay, Summer, you have ten seconds to tell me what the hell is going on here," I said.

She shrugged. "I know about as much as you do. Was it you they were looking for?"

I sighed and answered, "I don't know... I mean, they look familiar and all, but I have no clue who they are."

"Well then, just tell them your name. Maybe they can give you answers after that."

I wanted so badly to deny it, but she was right. I really didn't have any other options, and if I told them I didn't know who Serena was, they would leave. And if they left I would feel too uncomfortable to sleep at night. Or to get drunk. Which was worse than not being able to sleep! Agh... How did I get in this position?

I groaned the who way back into Summer's kitchen area. I had planned this day to be easy: wake up, get over the hangover, smoke at least six cigarettes, and drink until nothing could be remembered. And then start that over the next day, maybe throw in some parties here and there. But no, these guys had to come along and ruin it for me... At the moment I didn't care how familiar they were! I had a nice little routine and I didn't want it changed for the world. Whoever they turned out to be, they would have to go back to wherever they came from. Not to mention how grumpy I already was because of my headache... That in itself probably didn't help things.

I plopped down on the couch behind the group and waited for Summer to sit next to me. She took her time, to say the least, because somehow we all had the feeling this was going to turn out weird. And probably crappy as well.

But finally Summer took her seat beside me. Now all that was left was to wait until someone said something...about something, I guess. I didn't know, I didn't care. All I wanted to do right now was get this over with so I could get back to my life. Which had better be soon or so help me...!

Summer's voice penetrated my thoughts. "Okay, so, um... First thing's first, don't mind her. She gets cranky when she has a hangover."

I cleared my throat very audibly.

I heard someone in that group stifle a laugh. I did not like these girls.

"So, are you going to talk to us about Serena?" that black-haired girl asked. If I recalled correctly, her name was...Rei? Yeah, that was it. Rei.

Summer gave me this weird look and I found myself unable to do anything against it. I knew what she wanted me to do, and I didn't want to do it. But if I wasn't going to do it, then she-

"Serena can talk to you about it," she told them.

At first the girls looked at me with hopefulness in their eyes, pure happiness that they had found their "friend". But then, after a few more seconds of examining me, they began chattering amongst themselves. I figured that they had come to the conclusion that I wasn't their Serena. And I probably wasn't. Oh well.

I stood up, but Summer pulled me back down. "Oh no you don't."

Before I could argue, what's-her-face stood up and said, "I think we have the wrong Serena. See, we're looking for Serena Tsukino. We're sorry if we've imposed." Amy, was it?

"Are you sure? As in, her last name is Tsukino?" I asked. I knew the answer, but it was getting pretty disturbing just standing here without any clarity between us.

The rest of the stood to leave, nodding their heads and even waving their farewells, but once more Summer intervened. "Wait a sec!" Her voice came from a different room this time. And yet I wasn't allowed to leave? Really?

She dragged out an old canvas that depicted a smiling girl with two pigtails that had a bun on top of each one. The girl was wearing a school uniform, but you could only tell because of the shirt. The whole bottom half of her was missing. Her hair was really long and started to curl at the ends. Like Mina, she was blonde.

I snorted. "Wow, I can't believe you actually kept those!"

She grunted as she wedged its corner from between two other objects. "Yeah, well...you know... Art comes in handy sometimes."

I dared to glance at everyone else's faces. Their emotions seemed to break into a thousand new emotions when Summer asked them, "Does this look like the Serena you guys are looking for?"

Now, finally, I could get some answers. It was clear that they had been searching for me. It was even more clear that they knew me. The old me. They knew the girl in that picture. However, I highly doubted they knew the current Serena. The better Serena, the improved version of the trash I used to be. Even though they knew me...I didn't know them. That was the only thing that worried me. Obviously I'd had some kind of connection with them, but who were these girls? And why had they been looking for me?

"See, that's me several years ago," I told them. "My name is Serena Tsukino."


	7. Chapter 7

~Chapter 7~

It took them quite awhile to tie the present me to a picture of me that had been painted years ago. Couldn't blame them. I'd lost my hairstyle, gotten a haircut, outgrew my old school uniform, and had changed physically over the years. I was no longer the little weakling that was in the picture. Now I was a feisty vixen.

I resisted the urge to smile at their profuse confusion. If I didn't have my hangover, I probably would've cracked up.

"W-Wait, that's impossible!" Mina declared. "You don't look anything like that picture!"

I rolled my eyes and made makeshift pigtails, struggling to tie some of my hair into two buns, the way I used to style my hair. I remember someone phrasing it as "meatball-head". Despite the absence of length, I looked halfway similar to that painting. "If this doesn't convince you, nothing will."

Immediately after I said that, the girls' jaws seemed to plummet earthward. So then it was true. Everything was about me being Serena Tsukino, the friend they had been looking for, was crystal clear. And now it was time I learned about them.

"So, now that this is all cleared up, who are you?" I asked as I straightened my hair back out.

Some of the girls looked shocked. The ones who didn't look shocked looked baffled.

"Wait...you don't know?" the brunette questioned, almost as if I was joking around with them.

I shrugged nonchalantly. In truth, I was kind of eager to know. I could hardly remember a thing before probably...three years ago maybe?

I heard someone in the back whisper into the brunette's ear, "She doesn't remember us..."

"Wha-! I'm Lita, remember? You know, Lita...the good cook? And remember Amy? She's the brains of the group. A-and what about Mina? And Rei?" Her voice sounded pretty desperate.

"Yes, and what about Luna and Artemis?" Amy added.

Rei and Mina nodded in agreement.

From the looks of things, and from the way they sounded, I was someone really important. But I honestly couldn't remember them. I mean, Lita the cook? Amy the brain? Didn't give me much to go on... Part of me wished I could remember _something_. But it was weird... How could someone who originally looked so familiar tell you who they were, and you still didn't know? How was that possible? It was like I had abandoned all of my memories. Well, maybe not. Could've been fellow dancers.

"Okay, wait. When did we meet exactly? Because if I was acting all weird and goofy, then I was drunk and so I wouldn't have remembered you," I explained.

"Drunk?" one of them mumbled.

I perked an eyebrow. "You aren't from around here, are you?" It was more of a statement than a fact, because everyone who lived even remotely near me knew how often I got drunk. It wasn't uncommon to see me roaming the sidewalks, doing strange things and saying strange things and probably thinking strange things. Point was, anyone and everyone knew how easily it was to look out their windows or their cars and see me doing or saying whatever. Which had to mean that these girls weren't from around here, and therefore...therefore they couldn't know me. But somehow they did? That...that didn't make any sense whatsoever! Okay, wait a second. There had to be some kind of logical explanation for this mess.

"We aren't. And neither are you, Serena," Rei said, stepping in front of the group. "Don't you remember anything?"

I shook my head and shrugged again. "Only memories I have are of here."

She sighed heavily and tried to "jog my memory" by telling me stories. "Alright. Your name is Serena Tsukino. You had two parents and a little brother. One day, you met a black cat with a crescent moon on her forehead. That cat was named Luna. Thanks to her, you met each of us. Soon we became your best friends. You would sometimes spend hours talking to us about Andrew, who used to work at an arcade you loved. You were such a crybaby back then. But you were also really fun to be around. One day you met a guy named...I hate to bring him up, but...Darien. You met Darien. At first you two were the worst of enemies, but that all changed over the course of time. Soon you two were boyfriend and girlfriend. You were really happy when you were with each other. And then he broke up with you. After that, you stopped coming to our study meetings. You started smoking. When we learned about it, we were so worried. We called you and sent you text messages and even e-mailed you. You never responded to any of them. Not long after that, you ran away. Your parents called the police and a huge search went out for you, but no one could find you. The search was called off after a few days, and they told us you were probably dead. You parents didn't give up and tried to look for you on their own. But after a whole year had gone by, and you still hadn't turned up, they stopped looking for you. Then we took over. Darien joined us and went throughout three states looking for you. Usually one of us would stay put while the others searched, just in case you came back. But you never did. So we decided to look in the one place we were sure you would never be in. And so here we are, four years later, and you don't even remember us..."

I stayed quiet. The story was entertaining, to say the least. But for all I knew, these girls could be making it all up. Sure was one heck of a story though. Compliments to the creators. I had been here for as long as I could remember, which according to Rei, wasn't very much. It felt like I'd been here my whole life, not just four measly years. This place was my home, my sanctuary. Why did they want to take that from me? And there were so many flaws with their crazy story! Like for instance, a cat helped me make friends? Sounded more like a children's book! In logic, they were lying. But it would sort of explain why they were familiar. Anyway, it probably didn't matter. And honestly, I didn't want to leave this place. If, per chance, the story was somehow true, then I didn't want to go back to my parents and brother. And whoever this "Darien" character was. I'd never had a boyfriend. The only guy friend I'd ever had was Kent.

"Well?" Mina chimed. "Don't you remember us?"

"I think I know what's going on now," I replied.

Seeing their eyes filled with hope only proved it.

"Yeah," I said. "You guys were up all night drinking, so now you're drunk this morning." I turned to Summer, hoping they would disband and move on soon. "Hey, Summer, do you have any beers left?"

She lightly chuckled. "You still have a hangover, I'm not giving you a beer."

So what if I still had a hangover? It was just one little beer can. Wouldn't hurt anything. Besides, it was easy to maintain a nice figure when you exercised by dancing too much. How could you dance too much? Easy. Get drunk and you'll have no clue what you're doing. The fun and benefit outweighed the pain of a hangover. Or at least that was how I saw it.

"Hey, isn't there supposed to be another contest tonight? Why don't you just go to that?" she suggested.

I knew she was referring to the drinking contest a little ways down from her apartment. It would be held at a bar that I really liked. I could never remember their names though. There were so many throughout this portion of town, and I'd been to all of them. It was weird that I still couldn't remember their names. Oh well, not important.

"Yeah, I've already signed up. That ten grand is all mine now!"

She giggled. "Godspeed to any who challenge the unbeatable Serena."

I grinned proudly, remembering all my previous wins. Five times in a row, that was my record. This would be my sixth win. And this time the purse was ten thousand dollars.

"Hey, you guys want to come?" she asked the girls, who for some reason hadn't left yet.

"Come to where?" Mina asked.

I pulled out a cigarette and lighted it despite Summer's rule about not smoking in front of guests. They had been here too long now, and since they seemed to know me, they were more considered my guests than hers. So technically I could break that rule. Besides, I was preparing for major money. I needed her to cut me some slack. It wasn't easy, drinking all that...whatever they were serving there. Truth be told, some contests served beer, others served rum, and some vodka. There were lots of different alcoholic beverages, and the goal was to drink as many cups of that beverage as you could before throwing up or passing out. You could get as drunk as you wanted, but the rules clearly stated that if you threw up or spit out any amount of that particular drink, you were immediately disqualified. I had no problem with that since I was usually the one who could take more alcohol than anyone else, drunk or not.

And I made hefty earnings from winning those contests. Now I could buy my own drinks and cigarettes. Summer, Kent, and Betch could keep their money.

"To the Drinking Fountain. That's where Serena's going to compete," I heard Summer tell them.

"What kind of contest is it?" Amy asked.

She laughed heartily, as if it was the funniest thing in the world that they should ask what kind of contest I was competing in. "The kind she excels in."

"Which would be what?" Lita threw in.

I interrupted, felling kind of left out. Not to mention awkward that people were talking about me like I wasn't there. "It's a drinking contest. I've already won five in a row. This will be my sixth win."

"Better be careful about that. You don't even know who you're up against, do you?" Summer said, as if that was going to shatter my title.

"Doesn't matter. They've just chosen to enter Serena's arena. They're the ones who should be worried," I countered.

Miss Goody-Two-Shoes decided to step in again. "Wait, isn't that a little unhealthy?"

We both pretty much laughed our heads off at that comment. This was me we were talking about. I wasn't just some second-rate nobody. I was known around bars everywhere as the best drinker out there. I could hold in ten times more alcohol than any normal human being. I was the real deal. I might as well have _invented_ drinking contests, I was just that good at them! Unless they were superhuman, or unless influenced by some paranormal phenomena, the other contenders had no hope of a chance against me. I didn't know if I had trained my body, or if I was just like that, but either way, I was unbeatable when it came to drinking. No one, and I mean no one, could outdo me on my turf. And drinking was definitely my turf.

I couldn't remember what I used to be like. I didn't know I used to never even think of drinking or smoking or running away or cutting. I think the one thing that kept me from recalling anything from my rough past was what had taken place sometime last year: I had worked so hard to forget everything that once I'd forgotten, I could no longer remember any of it. So I really did know Mina and the rest. I really had a little brother. I used to have a boyfriend. I used to love an arcade. And I used to have a cat named Luna. But it had been either erased or eternally banished from my mind. And the worst part was, I didn't even know it.

"Why are you laughing?" Amy asked. "The Serena we knew would never drink!"

I calmed myself down by taking another whiff of nicotine before answering. "Yeah, and the way it sounds in your little story tells me the Serena you knew wouldn't smoke, either."

"That's right! She wouldn't!" Mina said. "But for some reason, she did..."

Rei pulled a cell phone out of Lita's pocket, telling her she was borrowing it. Lita nodded, seeming to know what she needed it for.

I didn't understand these girls. They were so serious. I never had to be serious about anything. What was being serious like? All I did was get drunk and smoke. I could never get pensive, let alone serious. But these girls...they knew me. How? Where did I meet them? They couldn't be drunk because they obviously knew what they were doing. Why were they tracking me down? And...who were they?

Wait... I think...didn't I see them before in a few of my dreams? No wonder they looked so familiar... Either I had an ability to see the future, or these girls were people I used to know. In my dreams, in this one recurring dream I had when I finally passed out each night, these girls were always beside me. They were often mentioning something about the "Negaverse". What was that? Was it symbolic for something?

"Hey, its Rei. I'm borrow Lita's phone, if you're wondering, but listen up. We've found Serena," Rei's voice pierced into my thoughts. "We need you to come down here as soon as you can. We're in the one place you'll never think to find her. No, no. Not there. Um, we're in Selton. Yeah. Okay. Alright. Then come to this one bar called the Drinking Fountain. ... Yeah, you don't want to know. At least not over the phone. I think it's best for both you and Serena if you came to see for yourself."

And in my dream, Rei was...well, a pest really. She always aggravated me. But somehow we remained good friends. And Lita...something about her... In my dreams, she could do some neck-breaking karate. And in my dreams, she was a good ice skater. And Rei was a good skier. And Amy, yes, she always made an A. I remember...she had a little blue computer... And Mina...and something about "Sailor V"? Agh! I don't remember! I needed to remember more of my dreams since they kept appearing in them. Until then, I would keep an eye on them. I would watch them carefully, starting after the contest, and see what they knew. It might bring something back to me. It might help me remember something that felt important. I would wait and see what happened before I made any judgments or decisions about them.

* * *

><p>"Are you ready?" the bartender asked. "The contest will begin...NOW!"<p>

Each of the contestants, including me, took our first cup of vodka and started chugging it down as fast as possible. Four more cups lay waiting in front of us. Someone else finished their first one before me, but I was the second to finish and I quickly grabbed another one. Not long after, I heard others set their empty cups down to pick up a new one. I was halfway finished with my second cup when one of the contestants, a man probably around his early thirties, burst out laughing at absolutely nothing. Talk about not being able to tolerate alcohol... Why did he even sign up?

Cheers were heard as the supporters ushered their favorite people to keep drinking. Bets were being made, tension was rising. And unfortunately, I had many supporters roaring my name, shouting things about me needed to drink faster. I was going as fast as I could! I would choke to death if I went any faster!

Glug, glug, glug... All the contestants were rushing themselves, and that was why most of them wouldn't stand a chance against me. They thought it was about speed when it was really about how much you were able to drink. I wasn't drunk yet, and neither was any of the others, except that one weird guy who was already drunk...

It wasn't until a fourth cup that another person broke out in laughter, falling to the floor and pointing to people's faces and then laughing at them. The crowd found it funny and laughed at his laughter. It helped that another one was pretty much out. It didn't help that the first person was still drinking, probably forgetting that this was a contest.

I continued on and on, until two more people, around the seventh cup, started dancing with one and other, whooping and singing the whole time.

I had to admit, I was getting full on vodka after my tenth cup... I knew it was part of the contest, but Summer was right. The others were tougher than I took them for. It didn't mean they would win, but...still... Soon I would need a bathroom break, and if I got drunk before then I could possibly end up peeing in the stationary closet. Or worse, behind the counter... But I was sure that by the fifteenth or sixteenth cup, they would give us all a break and let us use the bathroom. I just had to wait until then.

I paused for a second after my twelfth cup of vodka to take a bit of a breather. Gulping down twelve cups straight was kind of exhausting. But I had to keep going or else I might as well give up the ten grand that was rightfully mine. And so help me, I was working hard to earn it! I picked up my thirteenth cup and started chugging down some more alcohol.

And I was starting to feel weird. I was sure everyone was by now. It was quite a bit of alcohol we were consuming.

When another person got drunk, after the first two had already passed out, people started getting pumped and roared our names. I couldn't tell who was on my side and who was against me, so I tried to zoom in on Summer's cheering. I was even more motivated when I heard, "C'MON, SERENA! YOU CAN DO IT! IT'S NOT MUCH LONGER! HANG IN THERE AND DRINK AS MUCH AS YOU CAN! YOU CAN BEAT THESE GUYS! THEY'RE NO MATCH FOR THE UNBEATABLE SERENA, REMEMBER? SHOW THESE MORONS WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF, SERENA!" Man, Summer was really going at it. I couldn't let her down.

I put down my cup only for a second so I could breathe again before continuing to pack the liquid away where it belonged, right into my iron belly!

I felt my mind and vision going fuzzy by my nineteenth cup and I knew it would only be a matter of time. It was a good thing these were just little cups, and not those huge mugs they served in beer competitions.

Almost all the competitors went under on the nineteenth cup, and it left me with only two survivors left. I could win this thing, I really could. Their cheeks were growing about as red as mine, so it wouldn't be long. I just had to hang in there and remember that ten thousand dollar prize!

We all took up our twentieth cup, the bartender refilling the empty cups as they came. We began finishing our contest. One of the two other people fainted, but he would be fine other than the hangover he would have when he woke up.

I myself was already on the verge of going crazy, as I always did when I got drunk. My thoughts were turning all weird. I wanted to laugh so badly, but I didn't. Well, I tried not to, but I ended up laughing anyway.

And by the twenty-fifth cup, it only got worse. By now both of us were so drunk we couldn't tell what we were really doing. The bartenders had a hard time getting us to sit down and settle the score, because we were tied right now. But we kept getting up and doing stupid things, like trying to figure skate, with both of us falling and tripping over one another. Eventually I climbed on top of the guy and asked him to give me a piggyback ride, which he did. It lasted until he fell down and dumped me off of him. Everyone was waiting to see who would pass out or throw up first.

I got tried of him and pulled Mina toward me, forcing her to dance with me. As we were dancing, Mina dancing rather awkwardly and me dancing pretty gracefully and sexily, I couldn't resist singing my own little song, then moving on to a real song. It was Unbreakable by Fireflight. As I sang, everyone started either singing with me or dancing with me.

"Where are the peo-ple that ac-cuse me? The ones that beat me down and bru-ise me?" I sang. "They hide just out of sight, can't face me in that light... They'll re-turn but I'll be stro-onger!"

Soon half the bar was singing along, including Summer. "God I want to dream a-gain! Take me where I've never been!

"I wan-na go there! This time I'm not scared!

"Now I am unbreakable! It's unmistakable!

"No one can touch me! Nothing can stop me!

"Sometimes it's hard to just keep go-ing... But faith is moving without know-ing...

"Can I trust what I can't see? To reach my destiny? I want to take con-trol but I know be-et-ter!

"God I want to dream a-gain! Take me where I've never been!

"I wan-na go there! This time I'm not scared!

"Now I am unbreakable! It's unmistakable!

"No one can touch me! Nothing can stop me!

"Forget the fear, it's just a crutch that tries to hold you back and turn your dreams to dust... All you need to is just...

"TRU-U-U-U-U-UST!

"God I want to dream a-gain! Take me where I've never been!

"I wan-na go there! This time I'm not scared!

"Now I am unbreakable! It's unmistakable!

"No one can touch me! Nothing can stop me!

"God I want to dream a-gain! Take me where I've never been!

"I wan-na go there! This time I'm not scared!

"Now I am unbreakable! It's unmistakable!

"No one can touch me! Nothing can stop me!"

I ended the song with a ton of laughter at nothing in particular.

But I would probably never know if I was laughing at anything or nothing.


	8. Chapter 8

~Chapter 8~

I opened my eyes to find myself in Summer's bedroom. Soon a horrible throbbing pain in my head caused me to close my eyes again. Ugh... That's right, I was in a drinking contest last night... No wonder this hangover was worse than usual. I sighed, knowing there was no real cure for a hangover. I would take some Aspirin and wait it out. That was probably my best option right now. Oooohhh, but it was so painful it was making me sick at my stomach... Well, if I couldn't move around just yet, I would have to wait until I could. Then I could take some medicine and get this thing over with. Maybe going back to sleep was a good idea, but it wasn't possible with this kind of headache. Well actually, it was more like a freaking migraine! Oh, it hurt so bad! How much did I drink? Oh...my hangover was too painful. I couldn't remember how much I drank, or even what I drank.

I decided it was best to wait, trying my best to daydream about complete nonsense. It felt like my brain wanted to shut down until the headache was gone. But eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get that medicine in my system and let it do its job. I didn't care how bad I was feeling, it wasn't worth this! But still, I didn't want to throw up. Sometimes my hangovers got like this, especially when I got through with a contest... And I'd thrown up before, which had only made it worse. Why couldn't I just pass out from the pain? At least then I would be able to wake up to either less pain or no pain at all. Sounded nice right about now...

I groaned as I realized I had nothing else to do but wait out my hangover.

And apparently, once the pain had gone down a little, I'd fallen back asleep. I was surprised; I wasn't the type to fall asleep once I woke up. But I'd probably stayed up late. There was no doubt I'd gotten pretty drunk last night after all that vodka. Oh the joys of being drunk! You had no idea what you were doing or why you were doing it! It was so much fun! And everything you did was so unpredictable! Hilarity ensues when you're drunk. At least that was my experience... Maybe it didn't apply to some people. Hm. Oh well, I didn't really care. It applied to me, that's all I knew.

I sat up and stretched, relieved that I hadn't had to suffer from a terrible hangover like the last several contests. In fact, my head wasn't hurting anymore!

"Hey, Summer!" I shouted. I was still groggy, though, and wanted her to come in rather than me go out. "I slept through a hangover! Is there anything good to eat?"

I heard heard her footsteps. Was she bringing me breakfast in bed? Did this mean I'd won the contest? Or was it consolation for almost winning? Oh, that couldn't possibly be true! I was, after all, the unbeatable Serena. No one, and I mean no one, could or would ever beat me in _my_ contest. I chased off anyone who trespassed on Serena's arena. I shot down those who dared to challenge me. I would never understand for the life of me why people kept trying. But, hey, let them try. they'll just end up humiliating themselves. Besides, those who challenge the unbeatable Serena keep the contests going, which gives me a chance to earn thousands of dollars. Oh, the fools. But those fools were helpful, so I would always prefer to shoot down my competition instead of chasing them off. Think of it as hitting two birds with one stone: I get to humiliate my opponents and live up to my reputation, and I get to win a very healthy amount of dough. So yes, they could trespass every now and then and by doing so, they would help me out. Let them try, let them try as many times as they wanted. I not only liked getting drunk, I could handle a _ton_ of alcohol. So try as they might, they would never win.

Hm... Poor things. I would feel bad for them if they didn't help me out so darn much. And again, because of those idiots out there, I kept my reputation as the unbeatable Serena, I got to get drunk and have an excuse to do so, and I could win money from beating them. So I should really thank them one of these days. It was the least I could do for the ten grand they'd given me.

I heard the door slowly open. So it was breakfast in bed! How sweet of her! And she was such a great cook, too. Oh, I was so looking forward to tasting one of her homemade meals! So delicious and savory! And it always smelled so appetizing!

...Wait... I didn't smell any food. Summer's food always had a great smell. What was going on? Oh man! Did she have bad news to tell me? Did Kent get in a car wreck? That _was_ bad news!

"Summer...?" I asked timidly.

"You're up," a male voice said.

Kent.

"Dammit, Kent! What in the _hell_ am I doing at your place? Because so help me, if you got drunk and slept with me again, I'm going to-" I wiped my eyes and tried to focus as I was talking. And right in time to see not Kent, but some other guy enter the room.

"Uh...who are you?" I asked.

The man frowned and said, "You slept with someone?"

I got out of bed and stretched again. "Um, yeah. I do that when I get super drunk..." I trailed off as what I said hit me like I ton of bricks. "Oh! Okay, I understand why I'm here now. But listen, just because I slept with you this time doesn't mean I'm your girlfriend or anything. So unless I get that drunk again, you're not getting some today."

The man looked confused. Geez, don't tell me he didn't remember! Well, it would actually make sense if he didn't. He could've been a participant in the contest last night, which would easily explain why he didn't remember and why I was here with him, in his bedroom.

"Okay first of all, you didn't sleep with me. Second of all, I don't want to have sex with you," he said. "But... You mean you really don't recognize me?"

I looked him over thoroughly. He had jet black hair, which actually made him look handsome. He had rich blue eyes. His face was virtually symmetrical. His clothes consisted of a pea-green suit. He also seemed to have a strong build. He had square shoulders... But that was about it. Hm. I didn't think I would mind if I'd slept with him. He was pretty cute, and pretty hot. But no matter, I didn't sleep with guys unless I was so drunk that I couldn't tell male from female. And it was better than waking up naked next to Kent. Although, for the record, we'd only slept together once because we both got so smashed that we had no idea what we were doing.

"Eh...no. I don't think I've ever met you before. Maybe you just have me confused," I replied.

"I don't think so. You're Serena Tsukino, right?" he said.

"Yeah, that's me. And you know this because...?" I gestured for him to finish my sentence.

He sighed and shook his, like he was disappointed at me. "Serena, it's me. Darien Shields, remember? The girls wanted me to come down here, said I should expect the worst. They didn't tell me it was this bad, though."

"Bad?" I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure this guy out. Obviously the girls he spoke of were no doubt Mina, Lita, Amy, and that pesky Rei girl.

"Yeah, Serena. Bad. Very bad. So bad I couldn't believe it was you. You have no idea what it was like for me to find the girls crying because of how hard it was to see you that way, that drunk and asking this stranger to give you a piggyback ride. And then singing a random song. You just don't know what it was like pulling up to a bar and going in to find chaos."

"So then how did you know it was me?" I asked cautiously.

"Well, at first I asked the the girls where you ran off to, because I didn't see anyone that looked like you in the bar. But then they pointed you out. At first I thought they were joking, but when they explained everything, I had second thoughts," he answered.

I groaned. So yet _another_ person had been looking for me. Sometimes I just wished Serena Tsukino would disappear. I should've just told this Darien person that I was someone else, someone that _wasn't_ the girl he was looking for. And curse those crackpots for telling him where I was and who I was! Oh, how I wish Summer was here... She would know what to do. She would defend me against these weirdos.

I walked over to my purse and took out a cigarette and a lighter. I quickly lighted the cigarette and put it in my mouth. I heard the man sigh behind me.

"God, Serena... Smoking, too? When did things start to get so bad? When did everything take a turn for the worst?" he ranted.

"Don't start bitching to me about anything. I really hate that," I told him. He could only blink, but at least it shut him up.

After a long while of silence, I finally noticed that the poor guy seemed to be heartbroken. But why me? How had _I_ hurt him? He was the one hunting me down, remember! I had nothing to do with his life, and I didn't want him to have anything to do with mine. But just like Mina, Rei, Amy, and Lita, he also looked familiar. But unlike them, he'd never appeared in any of my dreams. Oh, whatever. It wasn't like it was my fault he didn't like what he saw. For all I knew, he could be some creep out to get me. Maybe I'd slept with him before in one of my turbo-drunk spells. It sure would explain why he looked familiar.

"Serena, do you remember the Sailor Scouts? What they stood for?" he asked. "What about Tuxedo Mask? Rini? Do you remember Sailor Mercury, Sailor Jupiter, Sailor Mars, Sailor Venus...and Sailor Moon?"

Hm...now that I think about it, yes. "Yeah, they stood for love and justice."

"Okay, and who were they?"

"How should I know? They always show up to fight, and then vanish," I replied.

"Serena, do you at least remember the identity of Sailor Moon?" he asked.

Hm... Sailor Moon I knew of, but to figure out her identity? Who did he think I was, some kind of fortune teller? "Uh, nobody knows who Sailor Moon really is. I'm no different." Still, Sailor Moon...something about her...felt like I knew her somehow. Could it be that this man knew something about some kind of weird connection I might have had with a famous Sailor Scout? ...No. I was just being paranoid, that's all. I'd probably slept with this guy and now he was trying everything he could to get me to stay.

"You literally remember _nothing_..." he whispered to himself.

I exhaled a puffy cloud of smoke that decided to linger in the stale air, having no wind to help push it away. This guy was so weird. But then again, he was also with those equally weird girls. Man, how did I ever get myself into this mess! If I had ever known them, and I really didn't remember them, then they should just give up and go away. I just wanted to be left alone, to get back to my normal life. They didn't seem to understand that I _wanted_ to get drunk every day. They didn't seem to understand that I _liked_ my life.

He randomly decided to hug me. Uh, okay... So I'd slept with a psycho this time. Great. My lucky day...

But then I noticed that I was still completely dressed. I hadn't dressed myself this morning, which meant that either he had dressed me or he was telling the truth and we hadn't slept together. Geez, I should've just snuck out while I still had the chance... Why oh why...

I let out an irritated sigh. "Got an ash tray around here?"

He let go of me and answered, "No. I don't smoke." He smiled, more of a sad smile than a happy one, but it still had a hint of joy in it. "I thought I would never see you again... I thought you were dead..."

I chuckled awkwardly. "Yeah...well...as you can see, I'm...kind of not dead."

"Serena, I'm so sorry I broke up with you... I only did it because of Rini and I never meant for this to hap-"

"Okay, hold up! First you say you know me even though I have no clue who you are, then you say you broke up with me, and now you're talking about some Rini person? You know, there's a happy hotel in this part of town. I could take you there and get you some serious help...which apparently, you need very badly," I said.

"I'm not crazy, Serena, I don't need to be taken to a psych ward! Rini exists and..." His eyes widened. "And you don't remember even _her_..."

After a little while of complete silence, he added, "You have amnesia."

Oh, yeah, amnesia... Okay, well, that would explain just about nothing. Especially considering the fact that I could remember everything I needed to. But hey, you know, wackos are chasing you down, what are you going to do? Not really much you could do actually.

I backed away, smiled sweetly, and put my hands up. "You know, I should probably get going now. Summer's probably worried about me-"

He lifted one hand up and smiled brightly, as if something in his brain overloaded and formed some random idea. Somehow I had a feeling this was going to involve me. "Stay right there, I have something I want to show you." He took off.

Oh boy... What was it? Oh crap, was it a gun? I didn't feel like being shot today! Granted, he didn't look like the harmful type, but what if he was bipolar or something? That would be so horrible for me. Or what if he was just some crazy psychopath? Maybe I really was just being paranoid. There was always the phrase "better safe than sorry", but for some reason, I had already placed a small amount of trust in him. But could I trust that trust? I didn't know this guy. Was it safe to trust him? Was I being stupid by being wary or was I being wise by being cautious? Was it me? Was this all in my head?

I pinched myself. Not in my head. Not a dream. Man, this was going to require years of intense therapy. It was bad enough that those girls had to walk into my life and start tearing it apart, but now this guy had to barge in too? I'd already had enough of this! What in the world did I ever do to deserve this crap? I couldn't take it anymore! I just wanted everyone to get out. I just wanted everything to return to normal, the way things should be. They could go back to whatever they did and wherever they came from, and I could go back to living with Summer and getting drunk all the time. Hopefully Betch could hide me in her place for awhile until these morons went away. I should've just said I wasn't Serena. This was my fault, I brought this on myself. I wasn't who they were looking for! I didn't know any of them! Why couldn't they realize that? I should never have told them my name, I should never have let them see me, and most importantly, I should never have let Summer drag out those old drawings of me! I might as well have just asked the universe to give me its best shot! Were they the morons, or was I the moron?

The man, Darien I think his name was, came back. He hands were behind his back, like he was hiding something back there. Intentionally not permitting me to see what it was. Making me wonder what could possibly be that important as to not allow me to see it.

"Okay, Serena, before I let you see this, you have to promise not to freak out and run away. You already put us through that mess and it might as well have traumatized us."

Traumatized them? _Them_? Of all people! Surely he wasn't serious! I wasn't the one who suddenly claimed to know them when they clearly didn't know me! I wasn't the one who started acting weird and saying messed up things! How the heck had I traumatized anybody? If anything, I was the one who should be traumatized! They should just shut their traps and leave me alone! I didn't care how familiar anyone looked! they needed to go home and get a life!

Somehow managing to keep myself from blowing up, I watched quietly as the Darien person hesitated to pull out from behind him a picture frame. He looked at it first, smiling nostalgically. And then he showed it to me.

Inside the picture frame, behind the glass covering, was a picture of myself sitting down on a patch of grass, leaning on what looked like a younger version of this guy. I was smiling happily, cheerfully. He was holding me lovingly, one arm wrapped protectively around me, as if to mark me, as if to announce to all other males, "She's mine, back off!" And I wasn't objecting, I wasn't looking at him like, "What are you doing?" No, I was enjoying it. I was liking his company. I was liking spending time with him. He looked equally happy to be with me. With what was no doubt my past self, about four years ago.

"This was back before I broke up with you. Before you ran away... Do you remember anything now?" he asked.

**A/N**

**Well? How was it? Good enough for you? Heh heh. Cliffies, gotta hate 'em. And people, PLEASE review! Your reviews give me motivation! I really need them and I would love to see what you think about the story!**


	9. Chapter 9

~Chapter 9~

I couldn't take my eyes off that picture. How could I not remember something like this? He hadn't been lying. We really _had_ been a couple at some point in time. And somehow I was unable to remember. Why? Why couldn't I recall anything about anyone? And what about the girls? Had they been telling the truth this whole time? And if Darien and I had once been together, I couldn't imagine how hard it must've been to find out I had slept with other guys.

Shouldn't I be having some kind of flashback right now? Should my mind be swarming with memories I was supposed to have about my past? It wasn't though. My mind wasn't giving me so much as a hint of what might've happened. I couldn't remember anything! Why? Why couldn't I remember having a boyfriend? Why had I always thought I never had one before when clearly I had? And what about the girls? Had I really known them at one point? No, I couldn't...I couldn't remember...

"Serena?" Darien repeated. "Serena, do you remember?"

I didn't have it in me to tell him that I couldn't recall a single thing, even with the help of that picture. I decided to stay silent and see where this took me.

His nostalgically happy expression slowly faded into disbelief. He'd just given me proof that he was telling the truth. It must pain him to know that I still couldn't remember.

"It doesn't matter anyway," I said. "You said you broke up with me, right? So that picture shouldn't matter anymore. Couples usually part ways after breaking up. Besides, I should really be getting back to Summer."

I couldn't let him know how distressed I was, how my insides were churning with confusion and the sensation of not wanting to believe he was right in spite of the picture he'd shown me.

He led me out of his apartment and told me I was free to go, but that if I wanted, I could always come back whenever I pleased. I thanked him, no longer in the mood to be rude to him, and left for Summer's place without another word.

* * *

><p>"Serena, you shouldn't have just left like you did. You should've stayed there and asked him questions about yourself," Summer told me.<p>

I sipped on a beer, edgy from what had just happened. It still felt surreal, like some kind of horrible nightmare. I couldn't remember how I got to this part of town, nor when I got here. I couldn't remember my family, where I came from, or even who I really was. Originally I didn't want my life to change, but suddenly I was okay with these no-longer-strangers lingering around. They could help me...possibly. Maybe they knew all about me and my past. But how could they explain anything to me? To someone who truly couldn't remember?

"I think Darien was right, Serena. He said you have amnesia, didn't he? That would explain why you don't remember much," she continued.

"But how did I get amnesia? I think I would remember everything no matter how much time passed since I supposedly ran away," I countered.

"Well, there was that one time you got drunk, tripped, and smashed your head against the corner of a stair so hard your head started bleeding," she said.

I put my beer can on the table in front of me and asked, "When did that happen?"

Summer smiled and nodded. "We have now figured out how you got amnesia. You can't remember anything up to that point, can you?"

I thought for a second, trying to force my brain to obey me and remember something. Anything would be good, I just needed one tiny thing to prove I didn't have amnesia. Just one itty bitty little thing, that's all I was asking for. It shouldn't have been too much... I couldn't remember where or when I met Summer, Betch, and Kent. I couldn't remember who my real family was; over time those three had become my family...except I'd slept with one of them... But that didn't matter right now. Why was I completely unable to remember? Summer never lied to me, meaning that me smashing my head against the corner of a stair really happened. Maybe I really did have amnesia. Maybe that's why my entire past was nothing but a blank slate.

"No," I answered truthfully.

"Well then that's when you lost your memory," she said. "But maybe there's a way to jog it. I've watched documentaries on amnesia and I used to work with trauma patients when I was a nurse. You need some kind of trigger, probably something really powerful. Maybe something you might have cherished a long time ago."

"Alright, sounds easy enough. I just find the trigger and I get my memory back," I recapped.

Summer shook her head as though she'd forgotten to tell me something, as though she'd accidentally left something out of what she just said. "Serena, there's also some bad news... Sometimes there isn't a trigger at all and people never regain any of their memories."

"So you're saying I might never remember anything again?"

She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "We can try and see what happens."

Meaning, of course, that she couldn't guarantee anything. It was her way of telling me not to get my hopes up in case it didn't work. But it had to work for my sake. I would've been fine not remembering, but now that these people had shown up and now that I'd seen that picture, I really needed to know what happened four years ago. Like, why did I run away? Darien was obvious since we'd been together once, but how did I know the girls? And Darien acted like I was supposed to know who the Sailor Scouts were; what connection did I have with them? And what was so important about me? Why had they all gone to such great lengths to find me? Was I needed somehow? Were they just really worried about me?

I hated all these unanswered questions. No one seemed to be able to provide any information good enough for me. I would have to find out one way or another, but I figured it was best to hold it off until I got settled back down.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Serena," Summer said as I got back to her place, which I'd become accustomed to calling "home", "they've cancelled all drinking contests for the rest of the year."<p>

My head shot up. "What? I thought it was only for the next few months!"

She shook her head. "No. Apparently, people have been drinking so much that they can hardly cover the expenses on the drinks, so the contests are being postponed for at least one year."

I sighed in frustration. It had been only one and a half months since they'd stopped the contests, and I'd been forced to search for a new job. I had only counted on that job as being a temporary source of income, but now it would be prolonged. And to be honest, part of me really hated my job. But there was alot of me that liked it. Prostitution was kind of fun when you got paid to have sex instead of having to get drunk and do it for free. And since I got drunk often enough as it was, it hardly mattered. In fact, I'd originally chosen it because I figured Betch could give me some pointers, and because prostitution earned me good money. Plus, I must've been pretty sexy, because almost as soon as I strutted down the sidewalk men decided to snatch me up. I got paid around $200 to $500 per day. I might keep the job even when the contests started back up again.

Now I could've chosen other jobs besides my current one. Summer had advised against drug dealing, but gave me the opportunity if I willing to take the chance of getting caught. But then again, cops in this area were almost unheard of. To them the place was a dump, unworthy of protection. I could've taken up dealing, but I had no source in which to get the drugs. Kent's job was boring; he worked part-time at a restaurant as a waiter. It didn't bring in much money, so everyone constantly shared some of their earnings with him. Nobody really seemed to mind; the rest of us made good money, more than enough to go around. There was always some to spare, and Kent really needed the money because his landlord was very strict about paying the monthly checks on time. Poor Kent literally only had a day to pay up or be evicted.

I never worked near Betch's strip club. It was her turf, and it might affect her business if I came along and scooped up all the guys. And I had refused offers to join any clubs, again because of Betch. And also because I didn't want to expose myself in public; I would much rather do that in a room. There was a downside to my job though. Although it paid well, about two-thirds of the men I slept with, my "clients" if you will, were kind of ugly and sometimes reeked of sweat and drugs. I couldn't help but wonder if some of them were also Summer's clients. But the upside, a major upside might I add, was that the remainder of the men were mega hot and really good in bed.

I had come back to Summer's to get the appropriate clothes for another nightly outing. If they had been Summer's clothes, she probably wouldn't have let me borrow them. But luckily I'd spent some of my contest winnings on clothes in preparation for my new, and what I thought to be very temporary, job. Most of the time, my outfits included fishnet stockings and tight shirts and shorts. Or if I was wearing a dress, that dress would be very short and extremely tight. The key to my job was to look as appealing as possible, so flaunting my curves and smooth skin was a great way to pick up desired attention.

But the real key to keeping such a job? I had to make sure Darien and the girls never got involved. Until I found out more about myself, they couldn't know how I made my money. And me finding out could take quite awhile. And they couldn't know, because if they found out, I couldn't predict what would happen. Besides, it was my life, this was my choice. They had no right to meddle and sniff around. Even if they knew the past me, this was the current me and if they were really my friends, they would respect that and not cross and boundaries. And as for Darien, he was supposedly my ex-boyfriend, making it okay for me to have sex with other guys whether I was their girlfriend or not. Which I wasn't of course, but some small part of me hoped that I could be a girlfriend. I didn't know what it was like, though, so I never actually tried to get a boyfriend. All males were just a one-night stand. They meant nothing to me aside from income. Think of it as a business; all men that I'd bedded were nothing more than my business partners for the night, and if I happened to be picked up by the same guy the next night, then so be it. It was literally nothing but business to me and frankly, I had forced myself to stop caring about what Darien or the girls thought.

But deep down, locked up in my soul, a subconscious part of me was trying to get out and tell me it was so wrong, that none of this was supposed to be happening. It was trying to tell me that I wasn't supposed to be doing this, that I wasn't supposed to be doing _guys_! It tried to tell me that I was putting myself in dangerous positions, and that selling myself to random strangers was probably the worst thing I'd ever done in my entire life. Maybe even worse than experimenting with Summer's drugs.

But I chose to ignore it. I chose to keep placing more and more locks on it to keep it from liberation. Because it knew everything. It knew about me and my past. It knew that I'd run away and it knew why I'd run away. It knew that I'd set myself on the wrong path and that I needed to pick myself up again, gain a little dignity and pride. Most importantly, it knew it was right.

However, I had been living this kind of life for a very long time. I'd grown used to it, fond of it. I didn't want to give it up for people I may have known in the distant past. For all I knew, their stories were just a bundle of lies that had been thrown at me for some unknown reason. Heck, I might not have amnesia at all! Unfortunately for me, that picture I'd been shown had been permanently imprinted into my brain and every time I thought about all those words being lies, I thought of that picture and knew it was no lie. Yes, I had amnesia, but I wanted to take it slow. I didn't want to freak myself out.

I had decided to calmly adjust at a pace right for me. And by doing so, I'd come across prostitution. Big deal; prostitution was a nightly game here. Girls on the streets ranged from flat-out shallow to way too skinny to a little too fat to my rank: supermodel gorgeous. And to think I hadn't had to so much as lift a finger to get that rank... It was a pretty sweet deal if you ask me. I bet it had something to do with puberty and the fact that exercise was almost an everyday activity for me. Getting drunk, partying off the calories... What's not to love about this life? It defined freedom!

I pinched my cheeks to give them a little extra blush and examined myself thoroughly in the mirror of Summer's vanity. I really didn't need makeup, but I figured that it helped mark me as a hooker. The super thick mascara with the glossy red lipstick made a powerful combo.

I walked out of the bedroom and asked Summer what she thought.

"You look skimpy," she said flatly.

I nodded my head. "Good, that's what I was going for."

She rolled her eyes. She wasn't exactly thrilled about my job; in fact she'd repeatedly told me I needed to quit it. I refused, countering her pleas with "I need the money" and "You wouldn't understand". And in truth she really didn't understand. Even though she was like a sister to me, and sure as heck acted like one, she could be very cold toward subjects she didn't like. One of those subjects, and a bit of a touchy one at that, was prostitution. She hated it with a growing passion, and now that I'd become involved... Let's just say Summer didn't always live up to her name. She allowed me to drink, she took me in and let me live with her, but oftentimes she couldn't condone my actions. She never threatened to kick me out. She never tried to punish me in any way. But she scolded me about it frequently.

And somehow her chiding felt vaguely familiar. And every time she did it, I felt this strange sense of dread. I had no clue why, but either way, her words slid off me like water off a duck's back.

I stretched and swayed my hips, making sure I still had all the right moves necessary to pick up guys. I smirked, realizing that it didn't matter anyway. I could seduce any male into bed with me, no matter how innocent or nervous he might be. Oh, yes. I had the moves, the looks, and the charm. And I had the knowledge of how to put all of those to good use.

I flipped my hair and slipped out the door, taking full notice of the cold stare from Summer.

It wasn't long before I made my way to the streets, strutting my stuff and trying to look graceful yet casual. Many girls could look graceful or casual, but few could do both. I was one of those few, and I even had a natural knack for it. There were a few other girls, either older or younger than me, walking around aimlessly, waiting for some man to come along and let take them to his place for an entire night.

I barely got ten feet from the apartment before a black truck parked near the curb. The window rolled down to reveal a somewhat ugly man who had probably been feasting on too many cheeseburgers. Inside the truck smelled like alcohol, but I could tell it wasn't him because there was a buddy in the back of the truck, drunk and humming random tunes.

I walked up to the open window and leaned into it. Nice truck actually. Leather interior. Fully functioning air conditioning. Nothing ripped or broken. This guy might have a lot of money.

I smiled cutely and fluttered my eyelashes. "This is a nice ride."

He returned my smile and leaned over from the driver's side to the passenger's side. "Well...I like to keep it neat for pretty ladies like you."

"Pretty ladies like me would like about $400 dollars from a handsome man like you." Ugh, he wasn't handsome. But I was trying to act disgustingly adorable. Certain measures had to be taken. It would pay off by tonight.

He examined my very closely, inspecting every aspect of my body. This was why tight clothes were important. If a man couldn't see your body, your chances of getting any action on any night were pretty slim. I seemed to pass his inspection, because he gestured for me to get in the car. Just like the rest of the testosterone-pumped men, this one wanted to get right down to business. No questions asked, no romantic scenes, no setting the mood...nothing. He just drove me to his place and while helping his pal inside, he led me in too.

He may have a cool truck, but he certainly didn't have a cool house. It was kind of dingy and to be honest, stinky.

He set his now-unconscious friend on his couch in the living room, then motioned for me to follow him into his bedroom. I did.

**A/N**

**Nobody ask any questions yet! There's more to the story and it'll explain everything that's going on. AND FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANITY PLEASE REVIEW PEOPLEZ! Ja ne!**


	10. Chapter 10

~Chapter 10~

Things went as they were for a long, long time. I had no success in finding out anything about myself, but it wasn't bothering me much anymore. I had become re-absorbed into the life of freedom and fun. So what if it had been a couple of months since I'd last seen Darien and the girls? I could finally get back to my regular living style, my own way of doing things. Things that didn't involve anyone else except me, Summer, Betch, and Kent. They were the only people who really mattered to me, probably because I couldn't remember the others.

"Serena, hold still!" Summer hissed.

Betch came over to examine her artwork. "You have Serena pegged, Summer."

I pouted. Knowing Betch, she was probably trying to tease me. She used to pop jokes about my old hairstyle, but now she had nothing to go on. Betch was trying, I just knew, to start something with me. But unlike her I was going to be mature. Besides, I could put up with this torture for a little while longer; not only was I on the verge of getting drunk, but Betch here had a job to go to pretty soon. My near-drunken state was why Summer kept yelling at me to hold still. Ah, but I just couldn't help it. Getting drunk was too fun for me and Summer knew that by now. Poor girl was probably just waiting for me to burst out into spontaneous laughter.

I snorted at the thought. Yeah, it wouldn't be too long now. I hoped she would be able to finish the preliminary sketch before I started doing weird things.

* * *

><p>~Darien's POV~ <strong>(Mid-AN: Sorry guys, but it kind of has to be this way for this scene.)**

I sat on my couch and watched some random TV show. Serena was a completely different person now. She wasn't Serena anymore... Her whole life had turned upside down and she didn't even know it. I was pretty sure this was my fault. Maybe not all of it, but there had to have been some role I'd played in all this. Perhaps Rini helped out; the little girl was always knocking Serena down with rude and sometimes harsh comments.

I knew being a Sailor Scout, and the leader to top it, was a hard job. What with keeping her identity hidden, the others' identities hidden, and saving the universe time after time, it could get very exhausting. She tried to do her best, but for some reason... Maybe I was just being paranoid, but I think I saw her most of those times with desperation scribbled into her eyes. In fact, her eyes had never sparkled the way love songs and romance movies talked about. Something was bothering her, I thought, but I refrained from asking since it could've been a mistake. But now I had to wonder...was any of it a mistake? Something had caused her to run away. Something had caused her to completely erase her memories of us. She was literally an empty carapace of the girl we once knew. Nothing more than a shell...

I wanted to find out answers as to why this all happened to her. But she was distrustful of any of us... If she did remember something, if she remembered anything, she wouldn't let us know. I wished so badly that she would remember at least one of us, or at least some event that had happened in the past. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be that way.

So about twenty minutes ago, I'd called Serena's parents and younger brother to come over and reunite with their daughter. Hopefully that would stimulate some kind of spark in her brain, something that would let her remember. The plan was for all of us, including her family, to confront her. Even Rini would be there. It was actually a risky plan; no one wanted to freak her out. I sure didn't want to.

I sighed, waiting for a phone call from Serena's family. I'd told them to bring her most precious possessions. I figured they were hunting all over Serena's room to find things. Maybe that was why they hadn't called me back yet.

My doorbell rang at that instant. I doubted it was Iruka, Ken, and Sammy. But it was a possibility.

I walked over to my door and opened it, ignoring the TV as I welcomed one of the girls inside.

"Darien, I have some good news and potentially some bad news," Mina said calmly.

"What's the good news?" I asked, not wanting to hear any bad news yet. Not _ready_ to heard bad news yet.

Mina thought for a second. Either she was having a Mina Moment or she was trying to figure out how to tell me both the news.

"Well, the good news is that I brought Luna and Artemis over, and the bad news is that I brought Luna and Artemis over," she said.

I lifted an eyebrow in confusion. So the cats were good and bad? How so? ...Of course. They might freak Serena out, the same danger as her family coming over. And if they were forced to talk, then Serena's, and possibly the other Sailor Scouts', identity would become obvious. After all, Luna had bee living with Serena for a long time. Iruka would know that her daughter knew of the black cat's ability to speak. It might freak everyone out...

"It might not work, you know," I told her. She knew what I was thinking, what I was dreading.

She nodded. "I know. I'm fully aware of what's going on and what might happen. I wish Serena would just remember; it wouldn't have to come to this."

Mina's communicator began beeping at that moment. She pressed a button and a little face, Amy's face, materialized on the screen.

"What's up, Amy?" Mina greeted.

"Guys, I think I know how to get Serena to remember everything!" she exclaimed.

I leaned in. Amy was super-smart; she had the brain of a prodigy. If anyone could untangle this knot, it was Amy.

Without waiting for someone's response, she continued. "If we can just get her to transform into Sailor Moon, she might be able to recall everything. Our battles, our friendship, our squabbles. The good and the bad should all come back to her."

"Well how do we do that? Last time we saw her she didn't have her brooch. She might've forgotten where she put it, or even what it was," I reminded the girls. "Besides, how can we convince her she's Sailor Moon? I asked her if she knew anything, but she didn't. She doesn't know who Sailor Moon is, Amy. It would be pretty difficult to make her transform."

Everyone, including myself, was silent for several long minutes. It seemed hopeless now that Amy's plan had been called out for a flaw. All attempts could easily go wrong. The way Serena was now...well... She just didn't trust us. And if I was right, if she really had forgotten about her brooch, then it would be pointless to try to tell her, and make her believe, that she was the one and only Sailor Moon. Given the circumstances, it may just be impossible to get her to believe all that. It would seem ridiculous to her, and it would probably make us look like lunatics.

I sighed heavily. There had to be something we could do to get her to remember...right? But I'd listened and learned a couple of things or two from Andrew, and apparently there were certain cases of amnesia where the trauma was so severe that it wasn't possible to regain memory...of anything. I desperately hoped this wasn't the case with Serena.

I noticed that both the girls were just now leaving, letting themselves out. It was fine with me; they'd be back when they figured out a different and hopefully better plan. Until then I needed to figure out a plan of my own. I needed to help them, just like they needed to help me.

It was actually about an hour later that my phone rang. In my haste to pick it up, sure of who it was, the phone slipped several times from my hands. But finally I got it and thankfully I didn't end up with a missed call. As I suspected, it was Iruka. She quickly gave me an overview of what was happening. They wouldn't be able to make it because Rini had apparently eaten something bad and had gotten sick. They trusted that tomorrow would bring better fortune. They couldn't come tonight.

As soon as the goodbyes were said, I heard an irregular knock on my door. At first I didn't think it was even a human, probably one of those dogs for blind people; maybe someone in the complex had a blind relative who was visiting, who knows? But as the knock continued I started to have doubts. And when I heard giggling outside I swore it was a prank. It would explain the laughter.

I went over to my door, searching under it first to make sure I didn't step in syrup or something, and opened it. Part of me expected to find one of the girls, but another part just didn't know what to expect. And honestly, it was pretty late. I was tired and the only reason I'd stayed up was because I'd been waiting for the call. I assumed the long wait was due to Rini's sickness. It couldn't be helped, though, so I couldn't be mad at anyone.

But...oh, man...when I opened that door... Okay, when I opened that door to find none other than Serena herself standing there, all alone, without Summer, I almost freaked. I actually didn't know what to do! My whole body decided to tense up according to its own will and disobeying my wishes to lead her inside. I couldn't help but wonder what she wanted at this hour. She seemed pretty happy, all smiles and daffodils.

She smelled like smoke and alcohol, and I knew she hadn't been doing very...eh..."good" actions lately...but she was my Serena. She was finally standing right here, right in front of me, at my door. It was all I'd ever wanted since she ran away. I only ever wanted to see her face, happy to see me. I wanted her to hug me and say she missed me, then give me a valid excuse as to why shed run off like she did. Granted, it wasn't what I'd expected, and granted, I never would've guessed she would have total amnesia, but even then I'd been delighted, and somewhat disappointed, to see her after such a long and grueling time.

Turns out I didn't need to welcome her at all, being as she walked right in as if the place were her own. I could do nothing but watch her, nothing but hope that she'd come here for a reason I wanted to hear. I hoped she came here remembering me.

"Hi, Darien," she said. She sounded a little weird, but I couldn't put too much thought into that. For one, it was late and she was probably tired, and secondly I knew for a fact that she might be exhausted from certain activities she may have partaken in. I hoped to the high heavens that it was merely a party and nothing more.

"Hi, Serena," I greeted her. I motioned for her to sit on the couch and make herself comfortable, and she did as I instructed. "So what brings you here?"

She smiled the cutest little smile I'd ever seen her place on her face and got right back up off the couch. Almost as if hesitant, she walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me. She didn't look at me, didn't seem to want to speak much anymore... What if something bad had happened to her?

"Are you okay?" I asked, deciding it was better to simply question her instead of automatically assuming something was wrong.

She turned her head at an angle that half-buried her into my chest. She moved her hands higher up my back and clutched my shirt. Tightly. As though her life depended on me and my shirt. "Remember when you were talking to me about Sailor Moon?"

I felt my eyes widen. Sleepy or not, I had to hear this! "Serena, do you remember everything now?"

I felt her nod her head and relax. It excited me to know that not only did she feel safe with me, but that she also got her memory back. I didn't care how, I didn't care when. All I knew was that she was back, she was finally Serena again. And I was so happy that she knew everyone and everything. She knew she was Sailor Moon, she knew about the others and who they were, she remembered Luna and Artemis...and she remembered Tuxedo Mask and how he always came to her rescue. How he was always there for her when she needed him. How the guy in the tux and cape was actually me, her once mortal enemy.

I didn't care how she smelled or what she'd possibly done tonight; she also smelled a little like sweat. But nonetheless, I returned her hug. A hug. Finally.

"Darien..." she murmured, "...I know you broke up with me, but...do you think...maybe...?"

I caught the reason her voice trailed off and took one of my hands off of her. I used that free hand to lift her chin. I nodded and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. They were still as soft as the petal of a rose. But this time they were thick with alcohol. I already knew how often she got drunk, so this didn't exactly come as a surprise to me. Thankfully, she wasn't drunk even though she'd obviously been drinking. I knew this because she talked pretty normally, aside from the faint accent in her voice, and she walked perfectly fine. Kind of gracefully, actually.

She just as eagerly returned the kiss. Her bangs were messy and pressed against my forehead. They tickled me. I loved it. Her hair was so soft and smooth. She was just as perfect as she was when I first met her. Well, except that her coordination had greatly improved. I felt her slide her hands from the back of my shirt to behind my neck. Something inside me popped, I swear, but I didn't quite know what it was. With one of her thumbs she gently rubbed the base of my neck, never breaking our kiss.

It was then that I realized she wasn't a girl anymore. No, she was a fully fledged woman. More like a vixen, as I started to figure out. Could this have possibly been the same girl I'd broken up with? And all just because of some stupid dream? Why had I been such an idiot?

Oh well. It didn't matter. I had Serena right where she should've been all along...in my arms, under my protection.

I lifted my eyes just enough to see a crimson ribbon spread from one cheek, across the bridge of her nose, to the other cheek. Immediately after I saw it, she pressed herself _extremely_ close against me. Now it was my turn to blush. It was the first time I'd ever felt a woman's breasts pressed up against my lower chest. It was enough to make something else pop inside me. It was hard to actually make sense of what was going on anymore.

She eventually did break the kiss, but only to nibble on my earlobe. I think my brain fried itself at that point, because my body started acting by itself. I hardly knew what was going on, but I found myself stringing kisses along the side of her neck. She tilted her head instinctively. She was gorgeous tonight...and somehow that undesirable smell she'd been wearing became quite inviting.

I didn't even know I was pushing her toward my bedroom. Once we got through the doorway, she decided to switch from my ear back to my lips, this time delivering a more aggressive kiss. As if that wasn't enough to completely blow my mind, she rubbed one of her legs up against mine. It only motivated my urges to pick her up, which I actually did, and throw her onto the bed, which I also did. I understood now that this sly little fox had managed to awaken something primal in me. It was something that I might've been able to control earlier, but by now there was only one way to tame it. And apparently this "way" was exactly what Serena wanted. Maybe she didn't even know what she was doing to me, but... If she didn't then she would find out.

I fell onto the bed with her, climbing on top of her and continuing to kiss her. She wrapped her legs around me and used them to pull me closer. Not even a miracle could stop this now. She'd asked for this, she'd brought it on herself. Heck, she'd started it! And now it seemed I was stuck with the task of finishing it.

**A/N**

**Mah hah hah. Now you see why it had to be in Darien's POV? Well I guess you don't... Anyway, you'll find out for sure in the next chapter. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW. **

**Also, the next chapter will start off back in Serena's POV, so just don't get confused and all that.**


	11. Chapter 11

~Chapter 11~

I was just halfway awake. I had no idea, nor a desire to find out, where I was. All I could see through my closed eyelids was light. Darn sun... Ever wish that huge star so close to Earth had an off switch? 'Cause I almost always do. Agh...stupid thing... It felt like it was burning my eyeballs even with my eyes closed!

I rolled over to avoid the sunlight. But I rolled off a bed and the sheets caught me, leaving me hanging off the edge of the bed. The sheets felt very strained, like they were trying to hold me up under the weight of something else. But apparently that "something else" failed and the sheets dropped me, shortly followed by a very heavy object. Already on the floor, the object that had come tumbling down after me knocked the wind clean out of me.

I squirmed and struggled under what I just now realized was a human body. I wanted to scream out and tell the other person to wake up already, that they were suffocating me. I couldn't because I was struggling just to breathe right now, let alone talk. But thankfully I didn't have to talk or scream; the other person woke up and lifted their body off of my poor flattened one. I swear one of my ribs had broken and punctured a lung. I had to let myself stay still until I was able to breathe again.

I knew I had to have slept with someone. Summer had probably lost me while I was drunk and I'd ended up here, having had drunken sex with some random guy during the night. I sighed and wiped the sleep from my eyes. When I finally took it upon myself to face the horrid light that had penetrated my slumber, I found that this bedroom was much cleaner than any other I'd woken to. And one of my socks was right beside me.

I sat up and looked around, my eyes still trying to adjust to the light. Summer kept saying I was a vampire, the way I hated mornings so much. She got a kick out of it but frankly I failed to see the humor.

Normally I'd have a hangover, and a pretty bad one if I'd gotten so drunk as to have sex, but I didn't have time to think about it. Guess who I saw just crawling up? Go ahead, guess. Take your best shot, because if I had the shot you have right now, I'd never have guessed it was, of all people, Darien. And he was naked. And I was naked. Which meant only one thing.

I pulled the sheets up close to me and gasped in shock. The one person on the face of the freaking planet! THE ONE PERSON! Why? Oh why me? What did I ever do to the universe to have made it so darn mad at me?

He looked over at me. By now it didn't matter whether I'd covered myself or not. He'd already seen me naked. Obviously.

"Serena..." he whispered. There was something about his voice that seemed...I don't know...kind? No, no, it wasn't kindness...it was...um... Ah! It was love! That's what it was, yeah, love. "You're still as beautiful as ever."

I resisted the urge to growl ferociously at him. "Why did you let me _do_ that?"

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Huh?"

"What's wrong with you! I trusted you!" I continued.

He sat up and lifted one hand. "Woah, hold on. What are you talking about?"

I allowed a frustrated groan. "I was drunk, you bastard!"

His face paled and he mouthed, "What?"

Yeah, that's right. I was drunk, and he didn't have the courtesy to stop me from doing stupid things. I'd misjudged him by a long shot. I assumed he would be the kind of guy that no one would find around here. Guess not, guess I was wrong. Though to be fair, it could've been worse...he could've taken my innocence had I not already lost it. Bu-

A roar reverberated throughout the entire building and the light faded, leaving the room dark as ever. It yanked me out of my thoughts. My first thought was that it was a power out, but that couldn't be right, considering none of the lights had even been on. My secondary thoughts were confirmed when a flash of light, not at all unlike a the flash of a camera, shot through the window, followed a few seconds afterward by an enormous boom.

I ducked and covered my head with Darien's bed sheets. I hated thunder! I HATED THUNDER! It was my greatest fear! My _only _fear! This was turning out to be the worst day ever and it was still nighttime... Oh, if only Darien had some kind of alcoholic drink; I'd snatch some up in a second and get drunk. Thunder never scared me when I was drunk. Then again, he'd chosen to sleep with me while I was drunk... Hm...

Another horrible sound blasted through the air and I couldn't help but jumping up. At the next one, I did the same, but this time tossing in a yelp. After it went away, I started crying. I wanted Summer... She knew what to do, she knew how to calm me down. I wished she was here right now, letting me snuggle close to her. I wish she was here to hush me and tell me it was going to be okay. But she wasn't, and Darien didn't know what to do!

I uncovered my head just long enough for me to take "shelter" in the corner of the room. I threw the sheets over my head again and resumed crying. I felt Darien sit down next to me. Somehow I doubted he'd gotten dressed.

"I don't know if you remember this, but you were always scared of thunderstorms," he said. "One time Rini ran away in a thunderstorm, and you gathered the courage to go out in the storm to look for her. You bumped into me and you got so scared you clung to my arm the whole time."

I sniffled. "You're lying. I would never go out in that hellhole!"

He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me to him, brushing the sheets off my head. "I wish you would remember."

He wasn't dressed, he was still naked. The sheets I'd been using to hide myself with fell off me. I was too terrified to care. I liked human contact when I got like this. It gave me this sense of security. Somehow, though, being pressed up against Darien made it worse instead of better. I didn't think that was supposed to happen.

"It's still hard to believe you can't remember anything. Especially after last night," he commented.

"Summer told me I hit my head," I replied.

He nodded, as if he understood what it was like to be told you had a past that you couldn't recall. "That makes sense, I guess."

I opened my mouth to say something, but I saw a flash of lightning. It was really close to us, so the thunder came quickly after. I cried out and curled up in Darien's lap. I hardly cared that we were both naked and, thanks to me and my stupid fears, snuggled up against each other. He stroked the top of my head and released a continuous string of hushes in an attempt to calm me down. It started to work, but more thunder came and, once again in a short frenzy, I leapt into his arms and buried my head in his shoulder. I wanted the storm to pass already... I hated showing weakness in front of other people. I had a reputation to uphold.

He patted my back and held my waist. I felt like I was being treated as a frightened infant, but at the moment I didn't care. My breathing evened out after a short amount of time. For awhile I didn't hear any thunder, just Darien's warm breath against the base of my neck. I sniffled and wiped away my tears. At least he was trying to comfort me. It was chivalrous, despite the fact that he'd had sex with me while I was smashed and was now hugging my still-nude body. But I was probably just as guilty for the latter. I was, after all, the one that had jumped into him. Most guys would've taken this to their advantage. They would've tried to make a bold sexual advance by now, trying their level best to seduce me back into their bed for some more sex. What made Darien so different?

I felt him softly kiss my cheek, flecked with red blotches from crying. I couldn't believe I allowed it. I usually became very aggressive toward those who tried to kiss me when I wasn't drunk. But he'd offered me more than most guys did; he'd offered me his trust, his support, his protection, and even his comfort. I didn't quite know why, but something told me I had to repay him somehow. I didn't like being indebted to anyone, especially him as of now.

Thunder struck my heart and I jumped again from fright. This time Darien hand had slipped from my back to my butt and when I sat down, I accidentally sat on his hand. At first I was too upset to notice, but when I did, I pretended to not have noticed. I was testing him, seeing if he would try anything with me. His hand was limp under my bottom. He didn't try to squeeze me. He was flushed, yes, but I couldn't really blame him. He was trying to be a gentleman, not calling me out for sitting on his lap and even worse, his hand. He was in the perfect position to do pretty much anything to me. I was close enough that if he wanted to touch me, he could. But he didn't.

I could feel his heart racing in his chest. He might have had thoughts of doing something, but to me it was the actions that counted, and he resisted from doing anything to make me feel uncomfortable. But why? We'd just had sex. He'd touched me then, so why wasn't he touching me now?

I bit my lower lip. He seemed to have seen it and his face grew a new shade of red. Was I acting cute without knowing it? How was he different from all those other guys I'd slept with. There had been numerous times I'd done something cute or sexy without realizing it, and each time I did that I was either groped or someone tried to kiss. One time a girl had tried to kiss me and I'd slapped her away. The worst part: she wasn't drunk. My hand had immediately convinced her that I was straight.

I sighed. I hated that he wouldn't touch me without permission. It gave me a reason to trust him, a person a barely knew. What if he tried to touch me even _with_ my permission? Was he man enough to withstand that? It was another brilliant test. It would allow me to know whether or not he respected me enough to refrain from doing something to me when I wasn't drunk.

I hugged his neck and pressed myself closer. Unfortunately, a wave of thunder scared me again and I ended up pulling myself much closer than intended. His body was nice. I hadn't noticed it before, but it was muscular and...his scent... Somehow I recognized it and accepted it. I assumed he was right, that we really had been a couple in the past. I wondered if I had lost my virginity to him back then. What if my first time hadn't been with some random stranger, but with Darien instead? I smiled at the thought, though I didn't know why.

I uncurled myself after I settled back down and sat in his lap properly, with my legs hanging over his. If I wanted I could wrap them around his waist, but I didn't. This was a test and nothing more. So far he was passing it, but he didn't look like he would be able to keep it up much longer. I felt his excitement under me. The perfect time to moan. My hands moved from his neck and clung to his shoulders. My fingernails dug into his skin. I have to admit, part of me couldn't control that much of the test. But it was fun being able to turn him on, unlike the many other men I'd slept with. Yes, he was very different from them. But the real question I needed to answer was, how different?

I heard the rain patter against the window. It was no longer just a thunderstorm. For some reason, I hoped it would turn into a downpour. I'd always loved the rain. It calmed me and at those special times everything made sense, everything was clear and tranquil and calm and relaxing... Oh, I really did love the rain. I loved hearing it pitter-patter against the windows of any place I was at. I found it much easier to smile during the rain. Those little water droplets may annoy most people, but they were my oasis. It was like the pleasure of getting drunk without the uncertainty and unawareness. To me, rain was amazing. A true wonder of nature.

I sighed contentedly in Darien's neck, my breath obviously reaching him. He whined to let me know what I was doing to him, but I ignored it. I already knew. I felt one of his fingers tapping me lightly on the back, but I moved closer to his neck, so close that my lips were touching his skin. He stiffened and sharply inhaled.

"Uh, Serena..." he choked out. "You...you're..."

I move my mouth to his ear and whispered softly, "I know." I couldn't help it when the edges of my mouth curved upwards into a sly smile.

He gulped and relaxed a little bit. "You aren't drunk again, are you?"

I laughed quietly. "Maybe just a little." But when it became obvious to me that he was taking my response seriously, I said, "I'm not, Darien. It was a joke."

"Are you okay with what you're doing? Do you even _know_-?"

I interrupted him with, "I know. I'm fine with it."

And I spoke the truth. There hadn't been any thunder to scare me recently and the rain had been set in his favor, setting the mood and actually giving him a chance. If the rain could give him a chance, I suppose it wouldn't hurt for me to do the same. I was okay with this. I might turn vicious the next time I woke up, but for now he was fine...and safe. If anything, he should be glad. Aside from business purposes, he was the only man I was going to sleep with while I wasn't drunk.

He was lucky to have just the right situation at just the right setting at just the right time.

I grabbed his hand and placed it on my lower back I rocked my hips side to side, practically massaging the hand I still sat on. I used a hand to guide his face toward mine. Still unsure, he hesitated to kiss me, so I was the one to place my lips over his. The kiss was gentle and in no way dominant. I was giving him every signal I could. There was no possible way he couldn't pick up on them.

And I turned out to be right. He moved his hand up and down my back, softly caressing me. I moaned again. I was already turned on, why couldn't he see that? I wanted him to actually go on with the activity. He was a man, he was supposed to be able to sense these thing. But at the same time, I was glad he was taking it slow. Never before had such shivers been sent up my spine and throughout my body. For the first time in my life I felt a twinge inside my lower stomach. I didn't know what it was, but it felt funny in a good sort of way. I wanted it to happen again.

What was it about Darien that caused me to have this kind of attraction to him? It felt like I should've done this ages ago, even when I didn't know, or in this case didn't remember, him. But why? He was so...so..._different_ from what I was used to. I felt alive, and I wasn't drunk. And here I thought life couldn't throw anymore surprises at me... At least this surprise was good. At least this surprise was Darien.

**A/N**

**Okey-dokey. I think you might be able to tell where this is headed now. **

**Oh yeah. PLEASE REVIEW! I really need the motivation...**


	12. Chapter 12

~Chapter 12~

_Bam bam bam..._

I awoke to a horrible and repetitive banging sound. Darien stirred next to me, but didn't actually wake up. I didn't even move, I just laid there with my eyes shut tightly, hoping it would all end and I could get a few more minutes of sleep. But of course, a twenty-year-old getting sleep in someone else's apartment? Absurd. The sound just continued, with very short pauses in between them. It was so annoying! And I always thought an alarm clock was bad... But now! Oh, I have _so_ changed my mind... I'd rather have an alarm clock over this; at least a clock has a snooze button. What in the world was that sound anyway?

Thankfully, I didn't have to get up to go find out. Darien yawned audibly and stretched, shaking the bed a bit. I felt his body move against mine. It wasn't a half bad feeling, but I'd rather not feel it right now. I was so tired... First I'd gotten drunk, then I had sex, then I woke up to a thunderstorm, then I'd gotten scared because of the thunder, and finally I'd had sex again. Although, the second time was entirely my fault. I was, after all, the one who seduced him into bed.

I yawned but refused to so much as open my eyes. It was his apartment, let him take care of the sound. But I did, however, choose to make myself more comfortable by rolling to my other side and pulling myself into a fetal position. With two people having kept the bed warm, it felt like I was in a little cocoon, all nice and cozy and warm...and wonderful...and welcoming...and...warm...and... I found my train of thought derailing. I was already dozing off. The warmth of the "cocoon" seemed to embrace me. It wouldn't let me go. My body didn't want to move.

I felt Darien get out of the bed but I could hardly pay attention to it. Even the banging seem to merely float away. Yeah, it was someone else's problem now. Good riddance. Bye bye! Have a nice trip to I-don't-care-where-you're-going!

I was literally right on the verge of falling back asleep when Darien came running back inside. I heard fabric moving and knew he was getting dressed. He muttered something under his breath, but I couldn't understand what it was he was saying. If he was talking to me, he needed to be a little louder than that.

He leaned on the edge of the bed and I felt my backside dip downward. A few seconds passed and suddenly he was off the bed. My backside bounced a little, moving with the mattress.

I heard footsteps going out of the room and the door being shut. I didn't know what was going on. Half of me wanted to find out, but the other half couldn't care less and wanted to stay put and go right back to sleep. I agreed with the latter half. My thoughts went blank at that moment and I enjoyed the cocoon while Darien spoke to someone who had yet to enter his apartment. I pulled the covers over my head to block out all and any light. It didn't block out all the light that streamed in from the window, but it was good enough.

After a few moments I re-awoke to a feminine voice saying something incomprehensible. The door to the bedroom shook as someone else tried to block that person from entering.

I tried to focus in on the conversation, tossing the covers off my head to hear better. What I heard was a muffled, "Darien, what are you hiding in there?" I couldn't tell who it was.

"Hiding? Why would I hide something? I just like to keep my bedroom private," Darien replied, sounding somewhat worried.

"Why? It's not like we're going to wreck the place," the girl stated.I didn't want her to come in the room and find me still naked in Darien's bed, but I didn't see my shirt anywhere and there was no place to hide. The only chance I had of keeping myself hidden was to stay under the covers and try to look inconspicuous.

"You don't want to go in there!" he sudden exclaimed. "Um, my room is a total mess, looks like a tornado came through it!"

"Oh, well we can help you clean it."

I pulled the covers back over my head and held my breath. Somehow I just _knew_ she was going to come in. Whoever this girl was, something told me she wouldn't exactly be delighted to discover me in his bed. As soon as she saw me, she would know what went on last night. It was embarrassing to think that I had a good chance of being found out by anyone other than the man I just slept with.

As I suspected, after only a few more sentences, the doorknob turned and the entrance to the bedroom was opened. It seemed that Darien hadn't done a good job of keeping whoever it was out.

"Darien, what's that?" the girl asked. No doubt she was referring to me. She sounded familiar. In fact, I was sure I'd met her before.

"What's what?" he asked nonchalantly.

"That, under the covers," she answered.

"Oh, that's just some pillows!"

Crap, crap, crap! I highly doubted she would buy that... It probably looked too much like a human body. Like a girl's body. And I wouldn't be able to fit under the bed... Why did things like this happen to me? Honestly, did I even deserve this?

I heard lighter footsteps than Darien's come closer to me, until they were so close that I could actually see the silhouette of the girl behind the covers. I waited, deciding it was best to stay silent even though she probably already knew I was under here. I couldn't hold my breath for much longer. Darien needed to get her out. Unfortunately, it seemed as though he had tensed up in dread. He remained where he was at and probably couldn't bring himself to budge.

A wave of cold air flowed right over me and I shivered at the sudden change of temperature. But I heard a gasp and I looked up to find Mina standing there, jaw agape, eyes unbelieving, heart pounding so loudly I could hear it.

"Um..." I whispered. "I think I can explain..."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" she shrieked, recovering from her shock much faster than I'd expected.

I sat up and pulled the covers over my bare body to hide my exposed skin from any other eyes. This was the last thing I'd expected to happen.

In a desperate effort to save myself, I tried to think of any way possible to convince her that it wasn't what she thought...even though it was what she thought. "Well...what are _you_ doing here?"

She angrily turned to face Darien, ignoring me completely. "What did you do! The plan was to get her to remember, not to get her in your bed!"

He opened his mouth to answer her, but unable to find an answer, he remained silent and closed his mouth.

I answered for him. "Mina! We're both adults here, we can do what we want! What Darien and I choose to do isn't any of your business!"

"No, Serena, you really don't understand... This could jeopardize Rini's birth!" she said, a hint of worry in her voice. Her eyes gave Darien a pointed look.

"I don't even know who Rini is," I retorted.

She growled in frustration. "We brought her over, but she can't see you like this!"

"And speaking of which, I would appreciate it if you got out of the room so I can get dressed!" I meant to sound rude. It was kind of part of my act, so to speak, so that she would leave. And thankfully for Darien and me, it worked. She left and closed the door behind her.

I sighed in relief and let go of the covers, not caring if Darien saw me when they fell around my waist. Kind of looked like I was in a nest made of bedsheets and blankets.

Before I could do or say anything, Darien spoke. "I'm sorry."

I looked up at him, confused. "For what?"

Ashamed of himself, he averted his eyes. "For...you know, for last night."

I laughed. "It's fine. It was my fault anyway."

I'd acted very harshly toward him before, mainly because I figured he was exactly like every other man. But no, he was very different. He was much kinder, much more gentlemanly, and much more considerate of what I did and didn't want. He had made it clear last night that he didn't want to put me in a position where I felt uncomfortable. Of course, at first I did because I'd found out we'd had sex while I was smashed, but it wasn't so bad. He held me during the thunderstorm and didn't seem to care that I was still nude. I have a bit of a confession to make about that, though. I actually liked the way he held me. It was tender, unlike any other man, including Kent, would've held me. He had been very gentle with me. He isolated himself from all other males in terms of his personality and the way he treated women.

"Besides, Darien, if I didn't want you to do anything to me, I wouldn't have let it happen," I added.

He sighed, but I wasn't sure why. Maybe...maybe he hadn't wanted it. I knew how seductive I could be, and not to brag or anything, but I knew how hard it was for a man to resist me. Maybe he hadn't wanted me to seduce him like that. Or maybe he had only been being kind to me by giving me what I wanted. No matter the reason, though, it was very wrong on my part to try anything like that...and then succeed. Besides, he had broken up with me. We weren't a couple like we were at one point in the past. I really shouldn't have done what I did. I didn't feel bad about it, but he might. We'd broken up...and even though I couldn't remember it, he obviously did. I couldn't blame anyone but myself for what happened last night. To be honest I'd thoroughly enjoyed it, but... Well, what if he hadn't? I hadn't stopped even once to think that he may not have wanted me to do what I did. I guess...I guess that made me exactly like every other hooker out there...

But how could I say I was sorry? Especially if I might be wrong anyway? And besides, you can't just sit there and say, "Oh, and by the way, I'm sorry I laid you." It wasn't something that could be brought up or said casually. And consolation? Forget about it. What was I supposed to do, say, "You were great in bed." Not the best idea on Earth. Maybe all this bad luck would burn out and I would finally get something good from all this.

"Serena?" Darien said, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Is something bothering you?"

I shook my head, lying with my body language. And now for verbal lies as an add-on. "I'm fine, just thinking about some things."

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, leaning against the wall.

I smiled and told him it was nothing important, nothing in particular.

"Serena, I know you very well. And if there's one thing about you that hasn't changed over all this time, it's the ability to look in your eyes and see if something's bothering you. Now, what is it?" he persisted.

I hesitated, but when I realized it would probably make him feel even worse by not telling him, I told him what was on my mind. "You told me we broke up in the past. And then we slept together. Twice."

"Well, it's true that I broke up with you a few years ago, but you never let me finish my story. I was trying to tell you that I only broke up with you because of these recurring nightmares where you died sometime after we got married. And then there was Rini to consider... I didn't want to risk your life, so I broke up with you. You were devastated back then and it killed me to see you that way, especially since you didn't know why I kept pushing you away. But no matter what I did, I loved you all along," he explained.

Before I had the chance to say anything, he quickly added, "And there's something that's been on my mind ever since the day I found blood smeared across my door. I also found some blood pools on the floor, and I've been so confused about that. And the weirdest thing is, that blood appeared right after you came to see me, not long before you ran away. So I want to know, was that your blood I found?"

I scratched my head and tried to think back to the times before I hit my head and gained the lovely little burden of amnesia. "I don't know, I don't remember."

"It's okay. I was just worried because there had been times when you came to see me and when I shut the door, I would hear you crying in the hallways. You were really depressed... I just wanted to know if something happened, that's all," he replied.

He was trying to keep himself calm, but I knew he was longing for an answer on the inside. And I had scars on my wrists... Maybe that _was_ my blood. I mean, I wasn't sure where those scars came from, but from the way things looked, I'd been cutting my wrists at one point. Could I have really been so depressed and miserable that the only hope I had of escape was butchering my arms? Wow... I didn't want to go back to my old life if that was the case.

_These scars look familiar, don't they?_

I sighed and studied them, trying to figure out if it was me, or...I don't know...somebody else? It seemed unreal, I just couldn't believe that I would ever do something like this _to myself_. Maybe someone else did it. Maybe I'd made a blood pact with someone or something like that. Hm... A real head-scratcher. But...a real eye-opener as well.

"Serena, what are you looking at?" Darien asked.

The scars were faded and unless you were looking for them, you wouldn't be likely to notice them.

"Oh, it's nothing," I lied.

He shrugged and turned to look for my shirt. I gathered up the clothes I could find and put them on, waiting for Darien to find my shirt. Those scars had never bothered me before now. And chances were, I'd probably return to my life as a person who didn't really care about anything. I liked the thought, but...I had to accept that there were more important things in life that needed to be consulted and taken care of. Things I didn't have to deal with before now.

Once he found my shirt and I got fully dressed, he let me use his comb to brush my hair, which I had a hard time with since my hair was so thick. But I managed, and soon after we got ready to start the day, Darien's phone rang, reminding me of the hangover I'd had sometime in the middle of last night. It was nice to wake up without a hangover for once. My head felt clear and I wasn't cranky. It was a pleasant change for me.

I stretched to relieve my muscles, which for some reason had gotten tense. Probably because Mina had intruded. Now the rest of the girls probably knew.

Little did I know that today I would meet my mother for, for me, the first time.

**A/N**

**If it was good, please review.**


	13. Chapter 13

~Chapter 13~

I yawned as I walked out of the room. It would've been best if I could've slept in longer. _Much_ longer. But, life just wasn't that fair. Still...I felt like dropping onto the floor and taking a really long nap. My eyes felt like they had anchors attached to them and I struggled to keep them open.

_Aren't you worried about those scars? _

Nah, they probably weren't important.

_You sure? I mean, you did this to yourself for a reason..._

I allowed a swift glance at them, my wrists dangling at my sides, turned at an angle where the scars could be seen. They crossed over one another, looking like a spider had dug into my skin and started spinning a web. I had this strange feeling that these scars may have played an important role in my life. Darien told me I'd been depressed, but I doubted I would cut myself over some stupid breakup that had obviously been resolved last night. Or...had it been? I still wasn't sure whether or not I wanted a boyfriend. What happened last night could've had the possibility of being a hormonal thing. It might not have been serious at all.

I walked from the hallway to living room, shocked to find new people sitting at a tea table.

One of them had the craziest and most obnoxious pink hair I'd ever seen. She had my old hairstyle. One other was a man who had brown hair and glasses. The third one was a woman who stayed quiet and patient; she had purple hair. Wow. More people that I didn't know. Oh joy.

I stood still, not really knowing what to do next. These were strangers that had shown up at Darien's apartment. In which, by the way, I had just had sex in. Lovely, I know. So all I could do was stand there staring at them with little interest in who they were. But those pesky girls would _make_ me engage in a conversation with them. Curse those evil pests...

"Serena..." the woman breathed.

Wonder if Darien allowed smoking in his apartment...

"I just...I thought you...but now you're here..." The man sputtered, trying to find the right words.

Mina leaned over and whispered something in the man's ear, glancing at me every now and then. I knew she was talking about me. Maybe she wasn't trying to show it, but she was. All I could do about it was huff and roll my eyes in annoyance. I mean, if _you_ saw someone you didn't even know talking about you like they actually knew you to another person, what else would you do?

I just wanted to _get out of here_. I mean, I'd slept with Darien while I was drunk, Mina found me naked in his bed, and now there were people here who I didn't know! Why did the world hate me so much? I liked my normal routine, why couldn't those girls just accept that already? I didn't want to change! All I wanted right now was those girls and these people _gone_. Darien had to go too, I couldn't risk sleeping with him again. Kent was one thing, I'd been friends with him for as long as I could remember, but Darien? Entirely different story.

I felt something warm brush up against the back of my leg and snapped my head around to see what it was. The mystery thing was actually just a black cat with a crescent moon mark on its forehead. Another cat sat behind the black one. This one had the same mark as the black cat but was white. They were both very cute and apparently friendly.

"Hey, kitty kitty..." I whispered calmly as I picked up the black cat. It purred as I gently stroked its back.

I kept petting the cat as I waited impatiently for someone to tell me what was going on here. As tired as I was, I didn't care anyway. But they woke me up after a long night! And for what, _this_? Of course, what else would I expect from them? Here I was, not wanting to stay here any longer, and now I was the center of attention for a group of people that seemed to keep expanding. Didn't they even have the courtesy to tell me why they were here?

I sighed and tapped my foot, trying to give them a physical clue to hurry up and explain everything. And finally the pink-haired girl spoke up.

"Serena, we're here-"

I cut her off with, "Woah, wait! How do you know my name?"

Lita leaned over just like Mina had and whispered something in her ear. Again, it wasn't that hard to tell it was about me. Her eyes widened as Lita finished. Soon I could see tears forming at the rims of her eyes.

"You don't remember us anymore? Not even me?" she choked out.

I smirked as I stood on my toes to reach Darien's ear, realizing my chance for payback.

"Am I supposed to know these people?" I whispered softly, ensuring that they wouldn't hear me.

He cupped his hands around my ear when I was done and replied, "They're your parents and future daughter."

I laughed. A real laugh, not some fake one. And really, right when I thought he was sane! A future daughter, yeah right. I didn't even want kids. Too much responsibility, and the last thing this world needed was another kid up for adoption. I didn't even have a pet for that reason. I didn't have the time to take care of it. Between being drunk and being in bed with some guy, I didn't have the time for a pet. And if I couldn't take care of a pet, I certainly couldn't take care of a child.

I wiped a tear from my eye and said, "Future daughter? I hate kids, they're so annoying."

I decided it was time for me to get back to Summer. She was probably worried about me. I set the cat down and it meowed. The white cat only watched. Reaching for the doorknob, I said, "I'm going home now." And as I was letting myself out, I heard Mina muttering, "Yeah, you've had a busy night, bet you're tired."

I simply huffed. She was right, but I didn't care. Hopefully this would be the last I saw of her. Her, and her friends. Darien could stick around. He was tolerable. Insane, but tolerable. But what happened in that bedroom would _stay_ in that bedroom. I would personally make sure of that.

I closed the door behind me. Not a single one of them tried to stop me, nor did they come with me. Heck, they didn't even see me off. But you know what? I was _glad_. Normally people would think it rude. Nope, not me. This person was going back to her normal life, the one she didn't want to leave. ...The one that everyone seemed to try to take away from her.

I heard sobs coming from behind the door. It didn't take long to realize that it was a child crying. The pink-haired girl. I also heard someone talking to her, probably telling her it was going to be okay. Pfft. Future daughter.

* * *

><p>First thing I did once I got back to Summer's? Answer questions... Questions about where I was, why I was gone so long, was I drunk, did I sleep with anyone. Stuff of that sort. I didn't have it in me to lie to Summer. Besides, it was just a waste of breath to attempt to lie to her. She just knew. I could fool anyone else, but I could never fool her. She was a human lie detector.<p>

"What!" she yelled. "You slept with _Darien_?"

I sighed in frustration, still dead tired. "I was _drunk_, Summer. It's not like I knew what I was doing!" Well, that wasn't a lie. She didn't know I'd slept with him twice in one night.

She furrowed her eyebrows. I knew she was onto something. "Yeah but there was a thunderstorm last night. You hate thunder! Why did you spend the night at his place?"

Whenever there was a thunderstorm, I left wherever I was to come back to Summer. Even drunk, I came back to her. So there was no excuse for this, no way to lie myself out of this mess. I could say I didn't want to talk about it, but it's not like she would relent. I could ask her to stop, but she wouldn't. I could say it didn't matter, but that would probably be the worst thing I ever said to her. I could say I felt uncomfortable telling her, but I knew she would jump to conclusions. There was no way out, it was a dead end.

I groaned. "I...I just did, okay? It was thundering out and I got scared...and I didn't want to leave."

It was her turn to groan now. "Oh, no, Serena... _Tell_ me you didn't sleep with him again."

I blushed, and naturally, Summer didn't miss it. My body betrayed me and answered for me. And unfortunately, it answered the truth. I could only gulp and tell myself it wouldn't last forever.

"Oh, God... Why? You barely know the guy!"

"Well, it was a downpour out there. And he held me when I got scared." I refrained from smiling, but I didn't keep myself from remembering. The perfect mood, perfect situation, perfect everything else. We didn't _just_ make love last night. We made magic. He was the only one who managed to really capture me. He'd accomplished something nothing less than monumental. No other man had been able to do what he'd done. "It just sort of...happened."

"As if I'm falling for that! Serena, nothing 'just sort of happens' with you. What really went on?" she continued.

I frowned. To me at least, it really did just sort of happen. I wasn't drunk the second time, and even then my body began taking over. Sure, I'd consciously urged him into it, but once he kissed me my mind blanked out and everything just started to fall into place. It was mostly my fault, although to be honest I don't regret it. The real question Summer was wanting an answer to is, _why_ did it happen? She was probably already coming up with ideas, some false, others probably true. She was smart, I couldn't out-brain her.

"Well...I guess I kind of started it..." I mumbled.

Summer leaned back into her chair. She was done, she had no more questions. About time, too, after putting her best friend through the wringer. I took a drilling, I deserved to be set free of her wrath. And yes, Summer had wrath. A lot of wrath.

I got up and went to my room, where I would sleep the day away, wake up, and begin my usual routine all over again. Except this time, with no hint or trace of Darien.

**A/N**

**Um...so reviews would be much appreciated. I'm not going to beg, but if you like this story and want me to keep updating it, review. I NEED motivation, and whether you believe it or not, my motivation comes from you and your input. Tell me what you think, give me any ideas you might have and you might see them in the story. I want to finish this, I really do. But this could end real soon and I don't want it to. I just really need the motivation, that's all I'm asking for. Anyway, now that I've said that, I hope you've caught a whiff of Summer's personality...sweet 'n stubborn.**


	14. Chapter 14

~Chapter 14~

It had been days since I last saw Darien and those little pests who seemed to keep following me around. They were like bloodhounds, always tracking me down. Weird stalkers...I did nothing to deserve this! Although, I have to say, I often found myself missing Darien. I couldn't explain it, I didn't understand why my mind automatically separated him from every other man I'd slept with. It was like he had this inescapable grip on me. Hopefully I would snap out of it and get over this nonsense in a few more days, maybe weeks, or even a month or two. As long as I didn't see him, I would be fine. Besides, I had to face facts, the man was mentally ill. I mean, _future daughter_? I hated kids! They picked their nose, wet their bed, and cried every time the tiniest thing happened. Not to mention screaming whenever they didn't get what they wanted... The answer was obvious, I was _not_ going to have a kid, let alone a "future daughter" that happened to live in the present.

I held my wrist up as a walked aimlessly around town. The scars were still there, meaning I hadn't imagined them. I liked my life, there was no possible way I had done this to myself. Maybe I was attacked at one point in my forgotten past and my attacker cut my wrists... Wow, now _I_ was sounding like the crazy one. Something else had to have happened...right...? I mean, why in the world would I do something like this? I had no reason, so it couldn't have been me. Maybe it had been a prank, or some kind of sick joke. Yeah...yeah, that had to be it. I was drunk, and someone pulled some sort of disgusting trick on me. Well, the matter was settled, it was definitely someone else, and definitely not me.

I sighed. I was supposed to be going to a rave at dusk today, I shouldn't be worrying right now. My only real job was to have fun, and of course get paid by bedding strangers. But tonight, I was going to dance all night and forget about all that had happened recently. Darien would be hard to forget, granted, but I could do it if I tried hard enough. And try I would. Yeah...that was a good plan. And if that failed, I would get drunk a thousand times until the memory was completely gone.

I decided to return to Summer's place. She could help me forget all this. Well, maybe. I wasn't sure if I was actually in love with Darien or if this was simply a temporary infatuation that would eventually wear off. I hoped it was infatuation. Because if it wasn't infatuation...my life would be ruined.

I shook my head and realized I'd already reached Summer's apartment. I'd already been nearby, so it didn't take long. I opened the door and let myself in. It was the middle of the day, not dusk yet. She was inside, sleeping. Last night she stayed up late with several customers. Thankfully she promised to go to the rave with me. She said Kent was joining us. I hadn't seen Betch in awhile, but hopefully she would also show up. Anyway, Kent was going too, so at least I had someone to dance with that wasn't Summer. Not that she wasn't a great dancer, but sometimes I just wanted to mix things up. Besides, Kent hadn't been around for the last few days and I looked forward to seeing him. He was an equally great dancer, but he got pretty clumsy at times. Plus, he finally had an opportunity to hook up with Summer. Of course, chances were he wouldn't take it. It was hard to believe he was so shy, even after all this time.

I decided to let Summer sleep; she would need her energy tonight. I, on the other hand, lit a cigarette and sat down on the couch, thinking of what to wear. Obviously it would be something sexy, but not so sexy that it would be mistaken for one of my prostitute outfits. I would definitely wear something that exposed my stomach, preferably in red leather. Fishnet stockings were a must. A skirt, I would need a skirt. But what color...? Let's see, white wouldn't match well since it was a rave. Red would be too much. But black! Now there was a color worth wearing! So I had my shirt, skirt, and stockings figured out. The only thing left was my shoes... They would be high heels, of course, but what color for them? Black would work, I suppose, but it might be a little too much with black fishnet stockings and a black skirt. Red could go well, and I could probably bring a black purse. I was going to set my purse down anyway, so I wouldn't necessarily be going overboard. Oh, and just to bring out my stockings, I would wear a miniskirt. I had enough money to buy clothes and shoes, so why not spend it on just that?

I had decided what I would wear, but now I needed to figure out my makeup. Mascara for one. Oh, and red lipstick, like not a dark red or a bright red, just glossy red. Powder, I need to have powder and blush. Hm...but eyeshadow... Red wouldn't work, and neither would black. I thought about blue as a last resort, but I really needed to do better than that. Green? What, with red and black? No, not even a chance. White? Psh, yeah right. Gray? Maybe...but I would try to come up with a color better than that. Metallic pink? Eh, too princess. Purple? Well...I would have to try some on first before a decision could be made. Hm...actually, what about metallic light purple? Actually, that didn't sound half bad. Alright, so I had two options, but honestly the metallic purple was so much better than the blue. I needed at least one more option, just in case the purple didn't work out. There was brown, but that would _not_ go with my outfit. I actually had hazel eyeshadow, but I highly doubted it would go well with red and black. Oh! Metallic purple and a hint of metallic white! Yes, that would work just fine.

I went into the bathroom and laid out my makeup. Summer let me use her eyeshadow and powder, but I usually used my own makeup. I peered out the bathroom and checked the digital alarm clock in Summer's bedroom. It was 6:50, which meant I didn't have to worry about the time. The raves always went on all night and ended in the morning, so I had all night to get ready.

I pulled off my clothes, leaving only my undergarments on. I searched through the closet looking for my planned outfit. Fishnet stockings, check. Red high heels, check. Red short shirt, check. And last but not least, the black miniskirt, check. I smiled. Everything was finally going to go smoothly, without flaw. I would look perfect for a rave. It seemed as though Darien and the rest were gone; maybe they'd gotten the hint that I wasn't interested in having them around. I would sooner bang my head against a brick wall than see them again. But thankfully I would go to the rave, where the huge throng of people would be clustered together, making the perfect place for me to hide from them should they appear.

I washed my face before adding the powder and blush. It didn't take long since I'd been wearing makeup for years now. I then put on the mascara, accidentally getting some in my eye. It burned like crazy and I had to spend the next few minutes blinking it away. Once that incident was over, I applied the eyeshadow, which, like I planned, looked great. Lastly I smoothed my red lipstick over my lips, putting a little lip gloss over it to make it look better. I looked downright sexy, the kind of fashion I'd wanted.

I moved on to my clothes, sliding them over my body with ease. The only hard part, which by the way wasn't even hard at all, was smoothing out my shirt and skirt to make them look as though they hugged my body tighter than they already did. I decided against earrings, or any jewelry for that matter. I wanted to look hot, not fake.

My hair was pretty much straight, but it grew slightly wavy at the end. I fished out a hair straightener from the wooden cabinet under the sink. I had time to be patient as I plugged the little device in and waited for it to heat up. While I waited, I checked on Summer. She had changed her position in her recliner, but was still peacefully asleep. Poor girl, she'd been up practically all night. She hated my job, but was thankful that I was off duty tonight. Yeah, I liked to keep my nights busy. Sleeping during the day was a personal favorite activity of mine. I was a night-lover.

I grabbed a piece of my hair and pinched it down with the straightener once it got hot enough. I held it there for a few seconds before slowly moving it downward. I repeatedly did this with the rest of my hair. When I was done, my hair hung perfectly straight around me, embracing my back and shoulders like a thousand strands of hugs. I pursed my lips for a moment, making sure my lipstick had remained in place this whole time. It was just fine. I finally had the look I was expecting of myself.

I took a quick glance at my fingernails. They weren't painted, and neither were my toenails, but they would do with or without nail polish. Well...maybe the clear nail polish, the one that made your nails look glossy. Er...no. I would've done that, but apparently time flew by when I wasn't watching it and it was already 7:30. The sun could just barely be seen as it finished setting, which meant the rave had already started and people were already having the time of their lives in there.

Summer was still asleep, but she seemed to be on the verge of getting up. What was wrong with her? The rave had already started and she wasn't even ready! I rushed over and violently shook her awake. Needless to say, she jolted awake. I was the first thing she saw.

"Hurry up, Summer! You aren't even ready yet and the rave's already started!" I whined. It wasn't very becoming of me to whine, but oh well. What's done is done.

She yawned and stretched. "Yeah...okay. Just give me ten minutes and we'll go."

* * *

><p>"Hmph," I muttered. "Slow business last night, huh, Summer?"<p>

I was actually really glad there weren't a bunch of druggies huddled together in corners, both happy and paranoid. There were a few, but not that many. I was pretty sure more would show up soon to get stoned and go do something stupid.

"Well, actually, yeah," she replied. "Why else would I stay up so late?"

I chuckled and reached for a beer can. Summer slapped my hand away and looked at me with a stern face, a face that said _no_.

I pulled my hand back, offended. "What the hell, Summer?"

"Absolutely not. You are _not_ drinking tonight."

I groaned. "Why?"

She rolled her eyes as if I was joking. "Um, because this is a rave."

"Yeah, so what?"

The stern face came back. "_So_ it's easy for me to lose you in a huge crowd of people, Serena!"

"C'mon, just one? Please?" I asked as I gradually moved my hand toward a beer can. I put on my best set of puppy dog eyes.

"Oh, please, like I don't know you. It's never just one with you, you always have to have more. And of course, what happens when you have more? Oh, that's right, _you get drunk_." She grabbed my wrist and pushed my hand back away from the beer, sealing her point.

I sighed. I got the message loud and clear. No beer. No excuses. No chances. Although she kind of did have the right idea with the whole drunk thing. Drunk Serena plus large crowd of moving people equaled disaster. Somehow I managed to get creative when I was drunk and, just for fun, I would run away from people to make them chase me. At least, that's what Summer and Kent told me. Still...just one or two wouldn't hurt that bad.

We both stayed quiet for awhile, listening to the upbeat music play, the sound of drunk laughter, and the frequent taps of dancing feet making contact with the floor. It was actually kind of awkward, but sometimes there came a point where neither of us could think of something to say, nothing left to strike up a decent conversation. We waited for awhile, just standing there while everyone else was having fun. I tried to pass the time by stroking my hair, making sure it stayed straight and looked pretty. Summer tried to pass the time by watching the doorway.

I smiled slyly as I realized what was happening.

"Well, well! What have we here?" I teased.

She leaned against the wall, acting like she hadn't done anything noticeable. "What are you babbling on about?"

Heh...I wasn't even babbling. "Who would've guessed that Summer, of all people, would be crushing on Kent, her best friend?"

"Pfft." She waved her hand dismissively. "If anything, _you're_ the one who likes him. If memory serves correctly, you two had sex."

I flushed and fumbled around for the right words, thoroughly embarrassed. Why would she even bring that up? She knew we were drunk at the time! Whatever, I knew chemistry when I saw it. She couldn't escape the truth.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw the door open.

"'Bout time..." I muttered.

But the man who walked through that door didn't have blonde hair and green eyes. His hair was black, his eyes were blue. Either he suddenly got into partying and dancing all night, or Darien had managed to track me down. I quickly glanced at Summer. She didn't seem to notice. Instead, she was looking up at the ceiling, watching the green, blue, red, and purple lasers dart around in the form of dots on the ceiling. Now was my chance to slip away while I could. Maybe he wouldn't notice me...maybe he would give up after seeing the enormous throng of people. Some were drunk, some were drugged up, and others were rubbing up against each other with their hands held high.

There wasn't much of a clearing between me and the crowd. It was almost perfect, except for the tiny fact that Darien had noticed me and was now walking toward me. Summer was still admiring the dots on the ceiling and didn't even realize who was headed our way. In order to save both myself and Summer, I quietly disappeared into the edge of the crowd, weaving my way through to the other end. I doubted Darien was used to this, and hopefully he would have a hard time finding me. Better yet, maybe he _wouldn't_ find me.

I leaned against the far end of the wall. I wanted to go see him one more time, but I couldn't. I didn't want a boyfriend, and even if I had one, my job was sleeping with other men! Until those contests started up again, I had to stick to using my body to get a salary. I sighed. What was I, some lovesick little girl in high school, wondering if a happily ever after really existed and forcing myself to believe it did? It was stupid! Reality just didn't work that.

I looked up. Suddenly those little dots were comforting. They weren't just little dots anymore, now they had meaning, significance. I guess this was what Summer saw in them.

I felt something gently touch my shoulder. I looked to see what it was, but soon I wished I hadn't.

"Shit..." I breathed as my eyes fell on Darien.


	15. Chapter 15

~Chapter 15~

"Serena, we _have_ to talk," he said, his tone serious.

I hissed under my breath. "How in the _hell_ do you keep finding me?"

He looked up for a moment and took a deep breath. His answer wasn't what I expected to hear. "What happened to you?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Huh?"

"You never talked like this, you never acted like this, and you used to be so fun to be around. What's happened? Why are are you acting like this?" he replied. "Was your life really that miserable?"

I gritted my teeth. I didn't know anything about my past. In fact, I didn't even want to. These crazy maniacs were obsessed with me, always clinging to me like a tick. Every time I thought I was free, they came back. They were humans, not stray cats! When did I suddenly become so important?

"I don't know what you're talking abou-" I was cut short when he grabbed my arm. I curled my hand into a fist on reflex.

He lowered his head closer to mine, obviously wanting a kiss. Why was I leaning in? Why was I letting my body take control? I should be angry or uncomfortable or something right now. I didn't mind kissing him...I guess. I don't know why I wanted him to kiss me, but I wanted him to claim me as his. That would involve getting a boyfriend...but with my job...even though he wouldn't like it...but what the hell was I thinking? I had Darien right in front of me. I had him all to myself right now. The crowd of dancing people didn't notice us. In fact, they hid us from Summer's vision. It was like we were all alone, free to do whatever we wanted to in this moment. It was our own bubble. It was a special place where my job had nothing to do with him. I really did want him to be mine...for some reason.

His lips touched mine and a giddy feeling welled up inside me. I felt like smiling but I resisted. I couldn't explain it. It was like he'd cast a spell on me. He was right to keep chasing me, to keep finding me. I kept trying to avoid him but he didn't give up. Now he was even refusing to let me go. I didn't want to go anymore, not right now at least. Instead of pushing him away, I moved my free arm slowly around his neck. I was acting on pure instinct, I was giving in to my feelings and I didn't know why. I couldn't already be falling for him, could I? No, this had to be a phase or something. Yeah, just an infatuation. It was probably something I would get over in awhile.

God, he was so amazing. There had to be some flaw in him, something I was missing. His kiss felt so familiar, and his kindness and persistence and patience...he really was different, wasn't he? Yes, he most certainly was. It was almost like he didn't care about my looks. It was like he was pushing through me to find my very soul. If you ask me, he was a wizard. Only a wizard could do this to me. He didn't want sex from me, he just wanted a kiss. No, he wanted _me_, but not for the reason all those other men did. He wanted to love me and hold me and stay by my side. He wanted to have me near him.

I felt his hand move down to my wrist, where he rubbed his thumb over my scars. I opened my eyes. He was still kissing me and for some reason I didn't pull away...yet. His eyes were open and he was staring at my wrist in complete loss for words. He knew my past. Why was he so shocked about these scars? He should've known they were there, right? He continued rubbing a thumb over my wrist, feeling the ridges my scars made.

I parted and pulled my hand back, successfully breaking free of his grasp.

"So it really was your blood on my door..." he breathed, so low I could barely hear him. A glint of guilt crept into his eyes. It gave me the impression that he might've had something to do with all this, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions. He ran his hands through his hair, looked up, and took a deep breath.

He and the other girls knew my past, so they should've known about the scars and why they were there. However, it didn't seem to be that way now. Darien's expression told me he never knew about my scars. He had never known about me cutting myself. It would make sense that I would hide it, but if he really had been my boyfriend at some point in time then he should've caught on long before I supposedly ran away, right?

I gradually moved to the back edge of the crowd, holding my wrist to my chest. It wasn't like these scars were something to be proud of, and I didn't want them to be seen again. In fact, I could only hope Darien wouldn't run off to tell the girls about this. I had to get him out of my life. I wanted things to return to normal, _permanently_. To accomplish that, he and the girls needed to get out of the picture.

I cleared my throat to catch his attention. "I can't be doing this."

He looked at me. "What? Why?"

"I just can't," was all I could say.

He put a hand on my shoulder, quietly begging me not to leave, but I brushed it off. I needed to find a place of refuge, one where he couldn't follow me. Through the enormous throng of moving people, though, it was hard to see anything. But fortune smiled down upon me today and allowed me to spot a girl's bathroom on the other side of the crowd. I ran, slipping through the crowd, looking back only once to make sure I was elusive enough to get away from Darien's sight. I have to say, it wasn't easy getting through the tightly-packed crowd, but once I reached the bathroom and hurried to get in it, it was worth it. Not even Darien would follow me into a ladies' bathroom.

And I turned out to be right. The probability of Darien having already found out my "hiding" place was unusually high. He was likely right outside the door, waiting for me to come out. Why did he keep this up? He knew I didn't want a boyfriend so why did he keep chasing me? I sighed. He was different, but so very strange. I just couldn't figure him out. Maybe waiting in here was the best thing to do right now.

After several minutes, I heard voices mumbling outside. I couldn't make out who it was, but chances were it was Darien and one of the girls. The door opened. I was wrong, it was just Summer. Well, it was _thankfully_ Summer. She held something behind her back.

"Hey, Serena," she said, closing the door.

I waved a hand. "Hey."

"Heard about what happened."

My head shot up and I tensed. "What?"

She chuckled lightheartedly. "Darien said he didn't get you, said he wasn't used to the new you. He told me you ran away from him and hid in here."

"And...is that all?"

She nodded. "Pretty much. But it doesn't take a genius to know something bigger happened. I would believe _you_ know why he said that."

Groaning, I could only look at her. Her eyes said she was concerned. I already knew she didn't fully trust Darien, but that was pretty normal considering men in this town tended to deceive girls and tricked them into sleeping with them. I couldn't even bring myself to fully trust him yet. He seemed sincere, and every time I was around him, thoughts of a happily ever after started to shove their way into my mind. It was like he consumed me. I didn't like it.

"Serena, what exactly happened between you and Darien?" she asked, frowning at the fact that she didn't know.

"Don't even ask..." I murmured. Then, speaking up, I continued. "I hate him."

She smiled. "Well, quit moping. You were the one who roped me into going to this place, remember?" She pulled out a beer can from behind her back. "Just one."

I took it and popped it open, gladly draining the can. No surprise that it was empty within a minute.

"Feeling any better?" she asked.

I nodded my head as she grabbed my wrist. If only I had a dime for every time someone grabbed me...

"Kent and Betch are waiting for us at the entrance," she stated, pulling me out of the bathroom.

I laughed and didn't even look at Darien when I passed him.

That night was full of fun, even in spite of Darien's showing up. Betch came and she wasn't wearing her stripper clothes. Kent came and I could so easily _swear_ something sparked in Summer. She liked Kent, I just knew it. I couldn't tell if Betch had caught on yet, but they were definitely going to hook up. The only thing that worried me was the unfortunate combination of Kent's shyness and Summer's unwillingness to make the first move. I wondered if it would even work out that way. Summer even told me up front one time that she wanted a guy who would make the first move on her. Kent...well...he was extremely timid about relationships for some reason. His reaction toward them led me to believe something traumatic happened in a past relationship that he had a hard time getting over. Betch, on the other hand, had like a hundred boyfriends. Only a handful had broken up with her; she dumped the rest of them. It wasn't exactly shocking, being as she worked at a strip club. Point is, she wasn't shy in the least. And me? I didn't want a boyfriend, and even if I did, my job wouldn't allow it. Darien, though...now he was a major problem. I knew that eventually I would care more about him than anything else. I simply couldn't have that.

* * *

><p>I woke up in the middle of the night. It had been several weeks since that rave I went to. That rave was the last time I saw Darien. He hadn't shown up again since then. I was glad. My life might finally return to normal. I would only be a prostitute temporarily, just until those drinking contests started back up. Maybe then Darien and I would have a chance. Note the key word "maybe". I didn't want a boyfriend but perhaps Darien could change that. I mean, look at all that he's done to me so far! He was mentally ill and yet here I was, always seeming to have him on my mind. I just had to get him out, that's all. Once I got him out of my head, he could stop poisoning my thoughts.<p>

The bed shook a little as the man next to me awakened. He ran his hand across my bare belly.

I sighed, knowing there would be a round two tonight.


End file.
